Monday, August 15, 2005

Laziness, the screen and the miracle...

I'm lazy...just too lazy. Procrastinating all the time. I'm going to hell but I'm too lazy to pray. My finals are starting from the 29th of this month but I'm too lazy to study. My biceps are losing meat but I'm too lazy to join the gym again. I'm sleepy but I'm too lazy to sleep. I miss my friends but I'm too lazy to call them up. There are people I haven't talked to in a decade or more (I mean it)...seriously....they're just my msn friends now...or worse...orkut friends. I'm sick of my favorite winamp plalist but I'm too laz to mke a new one. Typos are appearing in my blog now but I'm too lazy to correct them. My keyboard sucks but I'm too lazy to buy a new one. I appear offline most of the time cuz I'm too lazy to chat with anybody. I use the laziest form of communication after snail mail...scraps...that's what I do, aur wo bhi once in a while...I'm too lazy to reply to most of the scraps/mail that I get. People think I'm rude. Some think I'm just ignoring them. A few suspect me of blocking them on msn...they think I avoid them. They just can't comprehend the fact that I'm just too fucking lazy! I eat and drink just enough to live another day...friends want me to go out with them...and party all night...but I'm too lazy for all that. All I do is sit here in this room all day and night...staring at this screen...looking and searching for something...what is that something?...I don't know. I try to tell myself that I'm here just because I'm supposed to check my mail for the three hundred and forty sixth time. But then something tells me I'm just procrastinating again...I'm scared. I just don't wanna face the reality & I seek refuge in front of this screen...maybe because this is where I feel at home...maybe because this is where I'm in control...maybe because this is what I do best. Sit in front of the screen and play with the keys...I know nothing can go wrong here. But what about the reality?...its waiting out there...its like the typical nightmare where you just keep falling from an infinitely tall building and hope you'll grow wings or something but it doesn't happen...and you hit the ground hard and suddenly wake up with a jerk and your siblings make fun of you for the rest of the day. Its something like that...the reality is...that I'm just too afraid to give it all...the fear of failure prevents me from winning most of the time. I read my books but I fail to understand anything...maybe I'm just too lazy to try. I sit here hoping for a miracle...but as God said in Bruce Almighty..."Be the miracle"...are the key words. I'll have to be the miracle...sooner or later...otherwise all the work and money of 4 months would go to waste. And that would mean yet another free fall from infinity...ending with a jerk that'll disturb my world...and I'd be the butt of every economists' joke out there. But then again...I just don't give a fuck...I guess I'm just too lazy to give one.

I want to sleep now...I don't know what's goin on...This may be the beginning of a miracle...or the beginning of the end...

1 comment:

  1. GuRia1:06 AM

    wow..this is probably my favorite blog post..! :)