Sunday, June 19, 2005
Today I had a close shave, for a minute I thought I was going to die. It was about 11:30 pm when I was buying bread at Noman general store. I heard a few firecrackers go off but soon found out that it was gun fire as everyone ran to save their lives. I took evasive action too and immediately ran to the store room at the back of Noman along with a few ladies and children (crying) and the shopkeeper himself. I didn't know what was going on. But considering what happened a few days back, I thought this is another one of those sectarian violence scenes and they're probably gonna burn all the shops with us inside. I was reciting the Kalma and everybody else was doing the same. I heard someone say "haath ooper kero ....haath ooper kero!" and then a few more shots. I got a call from Jawad during this time as expected. And Ammi was crying and Jawad was screaming on the phone. Everybody was scared to death. After the continuous shots, some bearded man told us to leave. I rushed out and got home, on my way, the second floor aunty asked me "beta kya hooa?" I didn't reply and ran straight towards my gate where my mom was waiting for me. She hugged me and cried. Later, as the story unfolded, we found out that it was a mobile snatcher who got Nomi Bhai's (a cousin of mine...so, our family was totally involved) cell and rushed into the Variety Lace Center where he held the shopkeeper hostage - held a gun to his head. The police shot him in the leg and stomach with an AK-47 and he got badly hurt with slim chances of survival. I experienced what it was like to be in such a life-threatening situation. I saw death closely...it was scary. But somehow the feeling has vanished away quickly and we're all back to normal already....we're so dheet.
Friday, June 17, 2005
"BHANCHOD, BHANCHOD, BHANCHOD!!...." This is what you get to hear every now and then from the mouth of every other guy...
Random guy: Allad bhanchod kya maara hai (cricket/football/snooker....etc).
Random senior guy to newbie: Bhanchod tum tou acha khelnay lagay ho.
Random guys on a bench at night: Bhanchod Afridi ka chayy dekha tha?
Random cheap boys on the road: Bhaaaaaaaaannnnchooooood bachi dekh!
Random retired man: Bhanchod ye light ko bhi abhi jaana tha :@
This historic word has its importance and its own place in the society. It's used in more ways than one...from the burgers to the mailaas, the word is used by all classes of people to express different emotions. It's almost as effective as the word FUCK, extremely flexible. I even had an 80 year old math teacher who said "Bhanchod ye ghalat kia hai tumne....Bhanchod dimagh kharab hogya hai.....Bhanchod ye kya ker rahay ho.....". And this one time when I was solving a question with him, we heard news on CNN that Saddam Hussain is caught. His reaction was, "Bhanchod pakda gaya sala..." (he said this in front of his son and his 13 year old daughter). It was extremely difficult to control my laughter at that time. That's probably why I usually fail math because whenever I sit down to solve the paper, the only word I hear myself saying is, "Bhanchod aaj bhi fail...." & the nerds are saying, "Bhainchod yaar mushkil paper banaya tha yaar miss ne yaar yaar yaar....". Khair that was not the point. The alarming fact is that now this historic word is gaining immense popularity among girls!! Yes I said GIRLS! Come on yaar its almost common now. I mean we all know they nomally say things like fuck you, ullo ke pathay, kuttay kaminay jangli, ullo, pagal, chichoray, badtameez, tumharay ghar mein maa behan nahin hain kya, khabees, stupid, duffer, or even CHAY, they call each other kutti sometimes, and the most popular line ...main us type ki ladki nahin hoon but bhEnchod???...that's a first. Just the other day one of my girl friends decided to take a ride on a rather dangerous roller coaster. I was the one actually who compelled her to take the risk, otherwise she was rather reluctant to try it out. Later on, when we were going downhill at a screaming velocity, she used the following words to curse me and everybody around me, "BhEnchod!...BhEnchod!...bhenfuckingchod..BHeNCHOD!!....you fucking bhEnchods, you all are fucking BHeNCHODS!!!"....cool eh? :p
A scene from a girl's night-spend (sleepover)
Random girl: "Bhenchods let me sleep yaar"
Furthermore, the girls have made the word unique in their own way...they spell it differently:
Boys say: BhAnchod or girly boys say BhAInchod but....
Girls say: BhEnchod....just pure fucking BhEnchod.
Its a sad state of affairs...I love it...... mwuhuhhahahaha
bhanchod I'm totally losing it...I'm going to sleep.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
So I succumb to the blog again. There's a night match going on right in front of my apartment and the noise is more than enough to keep the oldies awake. I wonder how the authorities allowed them to do this. I remember when I was in my mid teens we had a night match just like this one INSIDE our Wajid Square. Yea I remember it, all the windows had to be covered well and there was a commentary team, which made a perfect parody of how Michael Holding speaks. It was fun regardless of the fact that I got out on the very first delivery…ahh well at least I got to open the innings. I’m such an optimist. Later on, I bowled really well like I always do and kicked the shit out of the opposition like I always do and got swept off by compliments….oooohhh….lovely feeling and I’m so used to it haha.
While I was writing this blog, the lights went out and I thought I’d have to write this all over again but thank God I write my stuff here in Microsoft Word before I paste it in the HELLO window (yeah I’m still using it to post here). Word auto-saved all this before I had to suffer that 30 min long power failure. I love Microsoft. I mean look at those guys, churning out unbelievable pieces of software every now and then. So what if it’s a monopoly? I love it! And so do most normal people. I love it more because I get to use tons of software for RS 25 per piece hahaha…I wonder what Uncle Bill might have say about that.
My cell phone credit has now been reduced to 60 within the last 7 days; it was about 200 before that. Why? Well I’ve been making international calls and sending text messages to Saudia. Hey this reminds me of something…have you ever made calls of RS 20000 in a day? I have :D wooooohhhhhoooooo!!…it was an accident actually, partly due to my stupidity. I was trying to update the virus definition files of Norton Antivirus at a time when I didn’t have an internet connection so I just decided to all that through a direct connection their system in the US. Before trying this whole thing out, I asked Kashif Bhai(my cousin) whether this will cost me anything or not. He said “No, it’s a toll-free number”. Thank you Kashif Bhai for that information. I was too young at that time to have any idea what that means but the word “free” always sounds good. So I dialed the number and got connected without any problems whatsoever but maintaining the connection turned out to be slightly harder than I thought. I got disconnected again and again and again and I reconnected again and again and again. But never got my updates completely. But the telephone department was efficient enough. They got shocked actually and sent a man to especially inquire about the call made. My dad talked to him outside and came back in with a worried and puzzled look on his face. He informed us about the situation and lightning struck me. Yeah I blew it totally I know…I don’t know how but I told my dad that maybe it was due to those calls that I had made earlier to keep our Antivirus software up-to-date. After listening to my story, he said nothing and quietly walked away. Seriously man I thought I was totally fucked up at that point but thank God my dad quietly paid the bill, never discussing that incident again…and I survived.
Telephone calls of RS 20,000 in one day!!….hahahaha!!….God I hate myself!PS: Isn’t that a world record?