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Saturday, October 04, 2008

Turn me to stone...

There are spiders spinning silver webs of artificiality around the corners of everything I see around me. I am a useless, idle witness to this seemingly endless quest to divide and distinguish amongst people who were supposedly the same. Nothing seems to be more important than egos and short-term happiness, and little useless jokes that will be forgotten with the people who made them. Sometimes I feel something really important is missing, like water from an Arab's backpack. And yet the Arab gets ridiculed when he panics. Something has changed though, I don't remember names anymore. I forget routes and places, people and faces. I look beyond them instead of looking 'through' them as if my memory has had enough. I've lost my ability to smile when I don't mean to, and laugh when I should only be smiling, and crack little useless jokes. And yet, I miss all that. Why miss out on happiness?...even if it's short-term. Or maybe it's just another illusion...like the notion of a "best friend" that I used to have, an idea for which I could have argued and fought in my days of naïvety, and many others still do. Tonight is special and has brought a hidden passageway with it that leads back to a warm yet cloudy afternoon in 2003. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion that day and had a certain sense of calmness and the sort of beauty that can only be painted through violin notes on the stuff that clouds are made of. I close me eyes and feel it all over again and don't want to come back to this place...this very moment. And I thank you again for giving me a dream to hold on to for so long, it feels like another life now that I think about it. And no matter how trivial and insignificant it may seem to another person now, it meant the world to me and will always remain in my secret closet of forgotten, quiet mistakes.