Kingdom Random

Ad spend: Is Facebook Likely to Take Over Traditional Media in the Future?

2012-02-06T06:17:00.001+05:00

In my humble opinion, yes. Here’s why:

Proctor & Gamble, the largest marketer in world, recently announced that it will be cutting 1600 non-manufacturing (mostly marketing related) jobs as the company re-evaluates its $10 billion ad spend and seeks to leverage the opportunities presented by digital advertising and social media.

The announcement came after a late realization by the company that the return on investment on digital advertising and social media is much more efficient as compared to traditional media. P&G cited its recent Old Spice campaign as an example of social media’s effectiveness. The adverts went viral and received nearly 2 billion free impressions through Facebook, Youtube, and other social networks, resulting in a decision to fully exploit this untapped potential.

This change in advertising strategy, if successful, is likely to push rivals into following suit. Such is
the impact social media is having on the advertising industry.

Consumers worldwide have become adept at filtering out annoying promotional messages and focus purely on content. Be it TV advertisements or banners on the internet, advertisers and marketers have to come up with increasingly complex and innovative ways in order to capture those precious few moments of their target audience’s attention. Even then, with the introduction of Tivo and Youtube, most people can watch what they want without having to deal with too much advertising.

The standard, impersonal advertisement banners and popups on websites are either blocked by software or are simply ignored by surfers. Furthermore, the sheer number of promotional messages that an average person is bombarded with daily is enough to overwhelm the normal functioning of the human brain. Insurmountable amounts of clutter and ever-decreasing attention spans make it very difficult to effectively reach out to a product’s intended target market.

Even the messages that get through to potential customers are subject to very close scrutiny and skepticism. People are well aware of the fact that claims and promises in advertisements often fall short of expectations and only serve to exaggerate the truth.

What is a marketer supposed to do in such a scenario? How can a promotional message break through the clutter and connect with its intended recipient in a way that is customized and tailored to the individual’s needs. The answer lies in social media, especially Facebook.

There are many companies that recognized the potential of advertising on Facebook much earlier than P&G. In 2010, one of the world’s biggest brands, Coca Cola, cut its traditional media advertising budget by 6.6% (which roughly amounts to $161 million) and redirected this money into its social media efforts. The company acknowledged the capabilities of content marketing and dialogue in terms of connecting with consumers in new ways on an ongoing, continuous basis, rather than the start and stop approach of traditional advertising.

Many companies that have realized the importance of social media make sure they display their Facebook and/or Twitter icons in their adverts on TV, newspapers, billboards, etc. A lot of traditional media advertising now serves to solely spark interest and curiosity in a brand’s message, and entices people to visit the brand’s Facebook and Twitter pages to interact, participate, discuss and find out more.

So, what makes advertising on Facebook so effective? The answer is simple. Facebook has forged advertising messages with personal connections. People don’t just see simple ads, they see which of their friends actually LIKE a certain offering. This makes the advertiser’s message credible and as a result, increases the likelihood of eliciting a response from the user in the form of a click. It doesn’t end here though. Facebook allows people to discuss products, services, brands and their offerings candidly. Word-of-mouth is king.

This is where the real difference lies when it comes to social vs traditional media advertising. Instead of biased, monotonous, and repetitive one-way communication, Facebook allows open interaction between consumers and brands, making it easier for people to decide whether they’d want to engage with a brand and associate with it.

Digital and social media advertising has also made it possible to track results and gauge ROI in a much more efficient manner. For example, it’s not possible for a marketer to find out who viewed an ad placed in a popular magazine on page 3. If the ad was indeed noticed, how long was it viewed for? Was it shown and referred to someone else by the same person? The answers to these questions only come when advertising goes digital.

Facebook and Google are constantly working to improve their user tracking systems that pinpoint viewer statistics with ever-increasing accuracy, making the task of “targeting” the desired recipients much simpler. This is one of the biggest reasons why advertisers are focusing more on social media.

The future looks bright for digital advertising. People are now within the reach of brands on-the-move through cell phones. The advent of smartphones has given social media the kind of break that it needed. Constant breakthroughs in technology and increasing bandwidths might translate into online television on a massive scale. We probably wouldn’t need the idiot box in the future. Otherwise, the smart TVs of tomorrow will be synchronized with our social networks, delivering customized product offerings suitable to our tastes only. Books and newspapers are all going online as well, taking advantage of the precise user tracking and site activity reports only possible to obtain through online channels.

On top of that, with plenty of statistics on personal likes and dislikes, status updates, relationship statuses, and even data on frequently visited locations, Facebook is sitting on a mountain of treasure that is probably worth the $100 billion valuation recently given to it. As people slowly but surely get used to the new Timeline, Facebook is likely to keep innovating, its users will keep on sharing their lives, and advertisers will be standing in line, ready with their paychecks.

A thousand words

2012-01-29T05:49:00.001+05:00

Ever heard about a picture speaking a thousand words? Well, this is that picture.

Twenty7

2012-01-26T06:30:00.001+05:00

Another year has flown by. On the wrong side of 20s now, I really feel no difference, except for the fact that I'm setting goals now. I set some vague ones last year, and achieved them, and probably made some of the most important decisions of my life. My goals have numbers attached to them this year. 2012 is the year of execution.

Not a lot has changed about me. I still laugh out loud with the force of my life like I've never known what pain is. I count my blessings everyday and don't feel like I'm missing anything, or anyone. People come, and people go. Change is the only constant.

My birthdays are funny. I get calls from the most random people, the kind that you would NEVER expect to hear from. On the other hand, some of the people closest to me forget to even text. I guess my closest friends are a lot like me. The official story is that after a few years of birthday celebrations after I was born, my grandmother apparently banned all such festivities in the house, calling them anti-Islamic.

Words uttered by the elderly in the name of Islam often become religion for the younger ones in our society without any research. My case was no different. I was taught that birthdays are nothing, and mean nothing. In fact, I was taught that one should be sad on birthdays because death is a year closer. I found this to be somewhat pessimistic but given the liberty of thought I had back then, I had pretty much no choice but to happily accept that not celebrating birthdays will help me go to heaven. My brothers still believe that. They're mostly around when the clock hits 12 am on the 26th of January, but you won't hear them say "Happy Birthday!" because a molvi sahab taught them to maintain distance from such blasphemous expressions of happiness.

So, I've been programmed to ignore birthdays. And even though I now have the courage and freedom to openly reject the idea of birthdays being anti-Islamic, I've been hardwired to treat them as "normal" days in people's lives, nothing to be too excited about. While it's true that Islam is not based on commemorating people's birthdays or deaths, I see no harm in being happy or making someone's day on their birthday as long as it's not done in the name of religion (ref: "Eid" Milad-un-Nabi. There's no such Eid, really). So, I attend birthday parties and have a blast, I'm always happy when people celebrate mine, but I don't mind if someone forgets to wish me. I don't love birthdays enough. Not mine, not others'. Similarly, I subconsciously expect people to understand if I forget to wish them, or don't give their birthday enough importance. It's not personal, it's just the way I've been brought up. Maybe it's my subconscious attempt to maintain a balance, to not make a big deal out of birthdays because I don't even get a whole set of wishes from my own family.

The last few years have been a little different though. I get way too much attention, and a lot more wishes than I expect, with the occasional celebration with friends, sometimes more than once, and it seems to grow in intensity every year. It freaks me out to be honest. On occasions, I've ended up turning my phone off for the fear of getting too many calls and texts. It reminds me of the polarization in my house. It's better to get no wishes at all than to receive hundreds of messages from people in a matter of minutes and watch your own family members walk by, acting like it's business as usual. I can't think of anything else that alienates me from myself more.

My mom is my savior though. She's the pacifier. She celebrates my birthday every year, and this time, has celebrated my "birthday week"! It's also my parents' wedding anniversary, so it's a special day for us. And no matter who chooses to ignore this occasion, I'll be celebrating whenever I can and with whoever I can.

Eternal Dream

2012-01-11T09:14:00.002+05:00

"I can only ask that this consolation be yours as it is mine-this parting will be our last. The world can never separate us again. I will wait for you, in the realm where time itself dies.

And one evening, in that realm of eternal spring, eternal twilight, I will look down the path and see you walking towards me. I can see you so clearly my beloved. The last rays of the setting sun shining upon your hair, your eyes bright with the love that fills my own heart.

You will come to me. I will fold you in my arms.

We will close our eyes and begin to dream our eternal dream."

-Margaret Weis

Hypocrisy, Not Conspiracy

2011-10-27T06:23:00.011+05:00

I’ve wanted to say this for a long time, and have reached the boiling point today. Hypocrisy in the Pakistani society is consuming every last bit of humanity within us collectively as a nation. Adherence to cultural assumptions in addition to selective adaptation of Islamic laws is a norm of our culture. I'm a helpless spectator to this abhorrent mixing of inherited traditions with religion. Furthermore, the insatiable desire to somehow re-enact what happened in the Middle East 1400 years ago, coupled with severe lack of education has led to intolerance and irrational hatred towards minorities. These trends continue to grow despite efforts to increase awareness and improve literacy rates in the country.

There's a variety of reasons that can explain the mental sickness an average Pakistani suffers from. Pakistan is a male dominated society. Whether or not the average alpha male spends time at home, he is the rule maker, the source of guidance and wisdom. His decisions in all matters are to be considered correct, his word final, and his judgment binding. He's considered street smart, and tells his kids what the "real world" is like. The only problem with this scenario is that this person is often a hypocrite because he was raised by one.

After he spends his teens and 20s ogling at every female within range, this dominant male of the household will take every step possible to protect his own daughter from the eyes of the world because it’s a matter of "honor ". This behavior is also valid because it is consistent with "what our religion says". But at the same time, he continues to ogle at all other females within any proximity, even if they're completely burqa clad. Islam becomes irrelevant at this point and this is what's passed on to the sons of the family as a norm.

This is the story of our society today. Sex starvation, illiteracy, and the race to demonstrate piety defines us today. We will go out of our way to show how much we love God. We will give sermons on the dining table about Islam. But the dirt inside our brains prevents us from going beyond putting up a religious facade for the world. This is the mullah's Islam: Emphasis on what is apparent to the public rather than cleansing the mind. The results of any treatment are self-evident with time. Had they been treating the mind well, the results would have been different. But sadly, mullahs that roam the streets of Pakistan today are a product of a sick approach that leads one to work on appearance only. These radicalized minds feed on hatred of others. And that's where "Jihad" starts, not with pens against illiteracy, but with guns against the non-believers.

This philosophy also teaches us that foreign powers are responsible for all our ills today. Even if we're ranked number 1 on Google for the keyword "Donkey Sex", it’s because Google is complicit in this conspiracy against us, the pious Pakistanis, living in the fortress of Islam. I understand that there are injustices being done to Muslims around the world, but if most Pakistani men are busy watching porn, hoping that their wives and children don't find out, I wonder how much relevance does religion ultimately bear in all of this mess. If we can't stop staring at women in public, and if we can't stop watching "Donkey Sex", why do we try to act like the Sahaba in all matters pertaining to war and peace? Is all this fanaticism and the resulting loss of life really worth it when we lose our soldiers in war, kill our daughters and wives in the name of honor, while we ourselves watch porn when everyone else is dead or away?

I urge all Pakistanis to think rationally today. Be honest to yourself and to your God if you believe in one. Let's get real. Let's stop depriving women and minorities of their rights. Let's stop enforcing "parda" on our women if all we want to do is ogle at others'. Let's stop confusing cultural and traditional norms with our religion. Let's quit the race to be the most pious and start getting the basics right first. FYI Pakistan, we're one of the most corrupt, lying, and cheating bunch of people in the world today. Let's wake up and first admit that we're not at the center of the universe, we're not the fortress of Islam. Let's just start taking small steps towards being better human beings in addition to being better Muslims. Let's stop giving public sermons on religion if we can't stop ourselves from staring at every woman we see. Let's stop killing people for honor and for laws that we don't obey ourselves, because this is truly madness...and not Sparta.

Mad World

2011-09-01T18:54:00.002+05:00

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world

-Written by Roland Orzabal

Goodbye

2011-07-22T22:03:00.009+05:00

Even though you're someone, who understands my smile
And you're always there when I call
Even though you're someone who knows what I'm thinking
When I say nothing at all

Dreamy light brown eyes, I believe what you
said
When you said you're not the one, I think you were right
Even then I was heartbroken
I pleaded and I cried

Dreamy light brown eyes, I belong with someone else
Be it this life or the next
You've chosen this, not me
I wish you all the best

May you find true happiness
I really hope, and pray I shall
When you feel lonely, just call me
Cuz you know I'm still your pal

But dreamy light brown eyes, I don't love you anymore
My feelings and my pain I have left behind
And its the truth when I say
You're out of my sight, you're out of my mind

Dreamy light brown eyes, now I know what you want

No more questions, nothing to hide

I want you to know, the dream is gone

As I disappear into the night

Deja vu

2011-07-10T05:39:00.001+05:00

She sat right next to him, her shoulders rubbing against his. Even without any perfume, he could smell her. She smelled like the Jasmine flower...like heaven. She wanted to talk, but he didn't, for he was heartbroken. It was the closest she had ever come to him...and yet he felt like they were miles apart.
Although he wanted to tell her how much he cared about her and how much he loved her, he was afraid of being misunderstood, or of not being understood at all. He was afraid that the depth in his feelings would not be recognized and valued, maybe because in the past, those feelings belonged to someone else. He couldn't say a word.

The ride back home was long...they stayed quiet and he kept his eyes closed, looking away. Even though the car was full of people, it was the loneliest drive ever. And even though he knew he's on his way back home and the route is all too familiar, he couldn't ignore the overwhelming feeling of being lost.

He opened the door for her as she got out of the car and bid farewell in a low, formal tone. He watched her as she walked to the gates taking small, quick steps. He was secretly hoping that she would she would turn around and look back once, but it didn't happen. The air was filled with deja vu all of a sudden and a torrent of memories that had haunted him for years flashed back in front of his eyes, and by the time he snapped out of it...she was long gone.

TS

2011-06-26T02:25:00.001+05:00

Dreamy light brown eyes, I don't know what you want
The questions that you ask, the tears that you hide
Dreamy light brown eyes, all I know is that I've built
Some dreams around you, or at least I've tried

Dreams of having someone, who understands my smile
And who is there when I call
Dreams of having someone who knows what I'm thinking
When I say nothing at all

Dreamy light brown eyes, do you believe what I say?
When I say you're the one, do you think I lie?
Making fun of me when we're together
When lonely like me, I wonder if you cry

Dreamy light brown eyes, if not in this life then in the next
I'll make sure that you're mine
One day we'll be together, and brighter than stars
Our love will shine

So here's the truth, I can't sleep all night
And its not making me healthy, wealthy, or wise
But I know that I have no choice
For I'm in love with you, dreamy light brown eyes

Death of an emotion

2011-06-06T02:56:00.000+05:00

A beautiful illusion, a beautiful lie, good to play around with for a while; to twist, to turn, to bend, to laugh at, to laugh with. Unacknowledged, unsaid, waiting for the eyes to find, to read, to ignore, to forget. A fleeting thought, an escape from the ordinary, departure from the mundane, from the routine. A surging sense of happiness, a joke, a misinterpretation, expectations, disappointments, like changing weather, like changing moods. An empty room, a bottle without water, a dusty computer screen, sealed lips, obsession, rejection, a wry smile, a sad farewell, a lonely goodbye.

2011-06-03T18:07:00.001+05:00

Its always better to miss someone secretly than to let them know and get no response. There's always some truth behind "just kidding", a little emotion hidden under every "I don't care", a little pain concealed in every "its okay", and a little "I need you" in every "leave me alone".

2011-05-30T19:57:00.000+05:00

Sent using a Sony Ericsson mobile phone

Little Claus & Great Claus - 1993

2011-05-30T17:33:00.003+05:00

Once upon a time in 3rd grade, Obaid and I were sitting at the back, discussing some Michael Jackson song while this lesson called "The Little Claus & the Great Claus" was being taught. The English teacher, Ms. Asifa, saw us engrossed in irrelevant discussion and decided to punish us for it after proving our lack of interest. It went something like:

Teacher: You at the back! Why are you talking?

Monitor 1: Miss ye hamesha baatein kertay rehtay hain.

Monitor 2: Yes miss.

Teacher: Athar, Obaid...if you both know this chapter already, you better answer my questions correctly.

Monitor 1 & 2: Yes miss.

Teacher: Question 1 is for you Obaid. Tell me bla bla bla *don't remember the question*

Obaid: *Answers correctly*

Teacher: Ok Athar, now you tell me, what did the Little Claus do for the Great Claus?

Athar: Um..The Little Claus PLAYED for the Great Claus.

Monitor 1 & 2: Miss, he said PLAYED.

Teacher: The word is PLOUGHED.

Athar: Oops, I meant to say ploughed, sorry...

Teacher: No, you both need to understand the difference between the two words. Make two columns in your H.W copy and write both the words a 100 times.

Monitor 1 & 2: Yes miss.

Athar: Ok miss.

Obaid: You son of a ....

*The end*

NHS

2011-05-29T16:46:00.000+05:00

I remember going to class without an eraser, using saliva on my thumb to rub off the lines I wrote with pencil, that was nursery...I remember being given extra special treatment by Ms. Aisha...that was the 5th grade. I remember filling my first Dollar pen with black ink, Obaid gave it to me...that was the 7th grade....I remember miss Khilat banging my head against the wall, calling me ULLU KE PATHAY!!...that was 8th grade...I remember watching the 9th graders fight us seniors from the corridor with Muhammad Furqan, that was grade 10...I remember peeing in my pants :p ...that was nursery again, ahem :D ...I miss 1989-2001..I miss you all!!!!! ...How did we end up in 2011 all of a sudden? Where did time go? WTF!!!! :D

CBM-Leaks

2011-05-27T02:59:00.001+05:00

It was my second month at CBM when I sent myself an email from one of the computer labs and forgot about it. It contained a file I obtained from the hard disk, a record of all chats, emails, passwords, and everything typed on that keyboard. Had I paid any attention to it back then, it would have made zero sense since I didn't know many people there. But now 6 years later, that file is all of a sudden very readable. I stumbled upon it recently by accident while searching for something else in my inbox. Here's an interesting conversation I found..Someone I know bitching about someone I know...CBM-Leaks :D

{Date - Time} -> {2/13/2005 - 10:08:28 PM}

NILYAS to SUNNY:
i swear
im so annoyed
and
irritated
hahahha
achaa shut up n listen
therezi dotold u
the frigin farhan situation that thhappened like aoin october 4 mnths ago
iu porbrobablyd ont remember,.. but neways
therez this friend of mine farhan.. we were at facts todge
ther..
neways
so when i went to lhr..
he camall
imran
is someone else
listen
farhan was just a feriend is
just a friend.. neways
skrew that
he called me up and hez
like listen nadia ive got these feelings for u i swear im c
ussin him out rite now
neways
nim like wut
n he went on wi
th his desi drama
and hez lim like
listen farhan
ur just
my friend
and wutever ur thinking is nt ever gonna work
hez
like no
ill send my parents androand i cant live without u
im like u were doing just fine till before
lkol whoz ugly
hahah
neways
hahahah
lol
i think ur lookin at the worrong
farhan
patla sukha wala
neways
so i was saying
he was like nadia aik baar toh.. kehdo that u luv me.. n im like hell no.. i dont love u u gotta understand that..
im sorry ..
and if feel bad and its flatertering of how u feel but im
sorry
so then he called again the next day
and he was likei cried all night
hahahahhahahaha
i swear
i really dont
kwanna know that
sunny will u cry at night
hahahah
neways
he got over it ok
then i mesaw uhim at basant ..
and uss ka
y baad say bphir shuru hogaya
hey darling how are you
hey b
aby whats uhappeneing
listen im really missing u
can u cal
l me
n then i really wanna meet u
aur toyesetday he msgse
d me n said
nadia are u going to college tommrowoow..
cuz
im coming to ur college
hahaha
i swear hez so annoying
and
the fact
that he knows and aik dum
i swear sunny
dou dont
ndunderstand
t he annoyance im feeling
bi phuleez...
ha
hawuts the moste he can do
sunny i dont even wannan think
of that
uggh!!
ugh
hahah
he knows all that crap
thats the
thing
he knows all ugughh
sunny
this baqwas never works
i
just wanna shoot him
i swear
show a lil be nice
and u get
luv in return
its so frigin annoying
wut
temme
hahahahah

and say wut
hahahaha
n he knows i dont havea abr brothe
r
my cousin Ahhhhhhhhhh
sunny
i donm annoyei knnnnnnnnnnnnn
owwwwwwwww
stioop reapeating it
ur rdrilling it iin my head

hahahaha
iyes i am
u dont understand
hahahah
!! BEEHElLO
!!!THATS thiee bighgest problem
ugh
i swear
dude.. u dont
undeextrememly annoyed and pisst
i mean what ohahahah
lo;

lol
the crying
bit happened mnths ago
hez been up my ass
for the past week
haar dnin
he msgs edcalled sat
nadia we'
re going to biaoastt basin.. aghahajao.. cant im not allowe
d.. no ur coming.. i cant come farhan im not allowed.. to.
. ok ill c u there no iunderstand i cant frigin come
end o
f call.. msg
ill c u there tom at 2:30
next day he callsmsg
s
im waiting canewhere are u
i missed u.. wit was so mu ch
pfun..
imare u going to uni tom.. cuz im coming to ur uno
i
oits like go dufuck off..
hahahahahahaha
thatsd be hilarious

Communication gap

2011-05-22T18:49:00.000+05:00

Hira: Aaaah finally the weekend is here!! I'll go home and watch an Angelina movie...jis mein Angelina ke baray baray ....

*Random guy walks by with a smirk on his face*

Hira: ....LIPS! I was going to say LIPS!!

Changes

2011-05-20T02:26:00.001+05:00

I've had to remove the blog URL from Facebook. It was apparently attracting too much attention. Hopefully will be posting more regularly from now.

On Racism

2011-04-29T00:30:00.002+05:00

Ex-girlfriend: My parents said no
Me: Why?!
Ex: Cuz you're a pathan
Me: Pathan? I don't even know Pushto, we all speak Urdu! My ancestors were Persian!
Ex: That doesn't matter, your name is KHAN.
Me: Not that this is important but we're Yusuf Zai, who are generally NOT regarded as pathans as far as I know
Ex: They won't meet you, even if you're an urdu speaking pathan from India, pathan is pathan.
Me: Isn't it good enough for them that I'm a Sunni-Muslim Pakistani?
Ex: No
Me: Okay.

Potential girlfriend: My parents will say no
Me: Why?!
Potential: Cuz you're NOT a pathan
Me: But I AM a Pathan! So what if I don't speak Pushto? My name is Khan!
Potential: You're an Indian pathan, not a real one.
Me: But someone told me that pathan is pathan!!!....
Potential: No, you have to know Pushto and you have to be from Peshawar.
Me: Isn't it good enough for them that I'm a Sunni-Muslim Pakistani?
Potential: No
Me: Okay.

2010-10-24T21:38:00.001+05:00

"Tu ne ata kia, mainay bhula dia
Tu ne phir se dia, na shukar kia
Tu ne aur dia, deta hi gaya
Muun mor diay daryaon ke
Mainay hawa mein urna seekh lia
Meri agli nazar sitaron per
Phir bhi main tere sahaaron per

Main zaat paat mein, oonch neech mein, aur firqon mein bata hua
Jo sachai ko dhundlaa day, dil aisi gard se ata hua
Shikwa nahin jism ki mitti se, per rooh bhi ab betaab nahin
Tere hukm pe chalna aik taraf, tera naam bhi lena yaad nahin... "

Blasphemy

2010-05-20T03:01:00.003+05:00

As a Muslim, I condemn the Facebook page asking everyone to draw caricatures of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) as a reaction to censorship of a South Park episode. There can be no justification for such an outrageous act designed to offend millions of people around the world. I also condemn other such pages scattered across the internet that are not on Facebook, but are extremely offensive to Muslims. But I do not support the "Boycott Facebook" campaign.

First off, I fail to get over the stupidity of many of my very own friends who, over the last few days, have helped this group gain immense popularity by posting links to it on countless profiles. I learned about this page around 3 weeks back when there were only a few hundred people on it. I closed it in disgust and forgot about it. But all of a sudden, links to this page were on everybody's walls thanks to a few over enthusiastic and emotional individuals who did not think for a second that they are actually helping the bad guy's cause. They gave the page creators exactly what they wanted: word of mouth, popularity, discussion, reaction, and a few days supply of laughter!

I've been getting requests to boycott Facebook for a limited period, and then what? You come back in a few days? I find this idea highly ridiculous. I want to remind everyone that the internet has become a global communications platform where people of every cast, creed and religion come to share their views. Some of these views may well be offensive to us but that does not mean we start burying our heads in holes like Ostriches (myth).

Based on the principle that Facebook has been banned on by the Govt, the obvious next step should be to ban Google since it makes offensive material elsewhere on the internet easy to find. And then what? Ban the rest of the internet since its impossible to monitor individual websites? It just doesn't make sense. We are the generation that has seen the birth and growth of the world wide web. By now, we should have understood that there is no other form of media as free, ungoverned and uncensored as the internet.

Someone with an evil mind can create such pages or events elsewhere on the internet just as easily under complete anonymity. What I don't get is that why do WE have to go out there and look for all the offensive material we can find? Why do WE have to share with our friends all the negativity we can gather from the internet where only a couple of you have hardly shared anything from the Quran or Hadees..EVER!? Is this a subconscious attempt to depict ourselves as pious and religious under peer pressure where most of us are actually products of Bollywood and Hollywood?

Today on May 20, 2010, I want to ask all Facebook haters a few questions. Where in our hearts is the respect of the Prophet when we are out there openly negating his teachings. When we go to parties and pretend to, or actually get drunk, and hope to get laid. When we openly lust over others' wives, daughters and sisters, when we proudly tell our friends how we got this hickey, when we wank off to porn, when we go out on "dates", when we stalk random chicks and stare at their photos for unusually long periods of time, when we miss our prayers without regret, when we lie, when we betray, when we accumulate Riba, when we go to represent our country abroad and try to hug Sarah Palin, where in our hearts is the love of the Prophet then? This is like saying "Hey! As long as we disrespect our Prophet, its ok. But if you do or say anything against Him, we'll ban and boycott you and your products". Don't you all find this a little ironic?...Because I seriously do!

How can we be so weak that anyone can piss millions of us off in minutes without any fear of repercussions and then make us a laughing stock in front of the entire world? Why do we give such issues so much importance where at the same time, many groups against Israel, USA, Christianity, Judaism, and Hinduism exist with a majority of Muslim members...and who gives a shit? Why do we find it so hard to reach that collective emotional maturity as a society to realize that we are ABOVE such petty acts of ignorance and intolerance. In my humble opinion, the enormous publicity this group got was through us. It was a pure display of JIHAALAT on our part where we made every possible effort to spread the message of this hater. We should have ignored this group started by some ignorant-little-freshly-hit-puberty teen and put our time to some better use, like maybe reflecting on our on lives and where we fail to follow the Prophet and openly disobey him. I've left plenty of hints above.

I've been called a blasphemer and reprimanded by many of my acquaintances who on regular days hang out with busty chicks they wish to squeeze and talk about it in public. I want to let all such hypocrites know that you fall under the JIHAALAT category I've mentioned above and I know how to deal with such cases effectively. Whether you like it or not, its time to grow up and face the facts. Not everyone will respect your beliefs on the internet and you can not go around being the police man. Use the "Block" option that Facebook offers and try not to search for more offensive material (because you will always find more) that may lead to irrational. irresponsible, and uncivilized behavior. Facebook has a population of around half a billion people and that group could only attract a little over 30,000 users (thanks to our massive publicity campaign) and many of these users are Muslims. That says a lot about how much support the group got even from non-Muslims.

Facebook is a great tool, the best in social media's history! I'm not going to let a few misguided individuals take it away from me. For all those who agree with me, please use anonymous proxies or download proxy software like Hotspot Shield to continue using Facebook until the ban is lifted. Those, who still want a ban on Facebook, maybe you guys should stop using computers all together.

May God help us all and may all the hypocrites realize that they are seriously uncool. Amen.

Bad Dream

2010-04-25T04:25:00.000+05:00

In the midst of a maddening crowd, there were prayers that remained unanswered and questions that needed to be asked. A nation searching for direction, a country born in the name of God needed divine intervention before the false prophets of destruction took over completely. The common folk here exhibited every characteristic of nations destroyed in the past. The Devil himself smiled proudly at this collection of hedonistic liars he had manufactured. It was a job well done, for there were looters and murderers leading this pack, a confused mob that took pride in dancing at its own misfortunes and in laughing at its own weaknesses for the world to see. Never did its founders' ideals appeal to this nation, but only discrimination seemed to be the order of the day. This rusting machine composed of four parts was only so much useful when none of its units ever tried to work together to make it go.

Hopeful yet soulless eyes searched the smog ridden skies and cried out for mercy. Even the clouds had betrayed them now and the angels from '65 were nowhere to be found. Only then when they thought it was too late did the Maulanas and Allamas finally gather in the same place and started preparing a mass grave, on the tombstone of which they etched: God left this place a long time ago.

Half Hearted Goodbye

2010-03-07T03:58:00.000+05:00

I have run out of words. My advice works for my friends, not me. I have run out of hope, and yet I have grown bigger than my fears. Life was never this simple. I had never thought that one day I would have to obey the clock. I was never this organized. But I have run out of patience when I needed it the most and it's time to move on. I'm outgrowing others but maybe not growing up. In a slight state of paranoia, I choose to go with the flow, parting ways with others in this stream, unable to keep up... I have run out of steam. Good things happen to me when I least expect them to. But I know how bad things happen when you try to keep everyone happy. You just can't... I have run out of sympathy. I fail to comprehend the ease with which people screw up and then point fingers. I have run out of mercy. As a child I was taught that there is nothing more important than telling the simple, plain truth. Morals and ethics are paramount everyday with everything we say. So as for all the times I said something with tears in my eyes, I truly meant it. And its the same even today, right now. But I have run out of tears. Looks like its that time of the year again when I publish my mind on blogspot.com and let everyone know that I think about these small issues in life. And I know everyone does. But to be like everyone has never appealed to me. In fact, the mere thought of it is repulsive. I don't even want to put myself in others' shoes anymore. I have run out of empathy. And yet I know that I'm the collection of everyone I've ever met. Some ordinary, some special people. I remember some ordinary ones, and all the special ones. I don't "love" anyone though. I've had my fair share and it's been a wild ride, like a roller coaster on a bumpy track, I can't handle it anymore. The concept doesn't suit me. I have run out of love. And with a quick glance at the cruel clock, I believe I have run out of time.

Ibteda - My Graduation

2009-11-25T05:20:00.000+05:00

Kuch khoi khoi si baatein,
Kuch bhooli bhisri si yaadein,
Kuch loag naey puranay se,
Kuch geet jo gaey suhanay se,

Aao hum tum laut chalein,
Un beetay huay zamano mein,
Jahan pyar tha sabki aankhon mein,
Aur duain theen zabaano pe,

Kuch waqt jo lamhay loot gaey,
Kuch rishtay dil ke toot gaey,
Aao phir se unko joren,
Dil ko apne yoon na chorein,

Dard se ab kyon darta hai?
Kyon khud ko behlaata hai?
Jo subha ka bhoola shaam ko lautay,
Kab bhoola wo kehlata hai?

Dard mila jin loagon se,
Un sab ko mainay maaf kia,
Kya rakha hai is nafrat mein?
Mainay dil ko saaf kia,

Azaad hai meri rooh ye aaj,
Dil per koi zor nahin,
Dushman bhi meray jaan lein,
Khaamosh hoon main kamzor nahin,

Aa pohncha hoon main manzil per,
Duaon ki ilteja hai,
Anjaam hai ye is kahani ka,
Ya phir ye ibteda hai....

Born to be wild??

2009-09-14T01:55:00.000+06:00

The only thing worse than danger is invisible danger. It's a jungle out there, an apparently civilized one with animals as bad as man can get, hidden under coats and layers of make-up, designer clothes, and jewelery. And behind imperturbable facades, living examples of equanimity. And eyes that give away lies if not hidden behind dark sunglasses. It's all in the mind, and the Tube has owned it or rather pwned it. We have all been comprehensively mind-fucked by people sitting thousands of miles away comfy on the cheeks of their fat asses.

I don't know what the world feels today but I think there's an elevated sense of awareness around me. Call me paranoid but there's a feeling of being spoon-fed a bunch of lies everyday for breakfast, lunch and dinner interspersed with random spells of wholesome bullshit during the mid breaks with ratings high enough to cause air traffic congestion. All this in the form of endless bombardment of advertisements inviting naive masses to chase illusions, and senseless soaps that never cease to amaze me but not as much as aunties who are hopelessly obsessed with the same cycle of events presented to them in a slightly different sequence with new faces and ever increasing vulgarity being slowly pumped in our veins and projected as the norm of the day.

But the biggest villains I see are a variety of news channels operating for the sole purpose of minting cash at the expense of our peace of mind and the image of this country we call Pakistan. It takes little observation to notice how they thrive on controversy manufactured by the so-called elite journalists of this country. And that's exactly what they're paid for: Senseless Pak-bashing and coming up with the craziest shit and making it look real. And the worst part is that they have fans, lots of them. There are people who believe them. Their stories leave an impact that can be felt when you go out on the street, or talk to your friends on the phone, or go to college, or observe how the people in public buses fight everyday (please see: Bus Kerdo Bus!). They can change perceptions when they want, topple governments, bring back useless Cheif Justices, give impetus to the thugs disservicing the noble profession of Lawyers and demonizing them once the job of removing the only sincere leader this country had had in decades is completed. And now fueling the trend of making fun of a President who must have heard John Milton when he said "Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven". Oh indeed, he is an incarnate of Lucifer himself and the news media can't really be blamed for that one. The guy talks about Democracy being the "best revenge", let me tell you in my opinion, a country like ours with less than 40% literacy and less than 20% real literacy can not handle "Democracy". Like I said, It's a jungle out there and we need a sincere leader with a big baseball bat (or maybe something a little more sophisticated) in his hands to deal with the unprecedented issues this society faces today with an aim to educate the masses first and inculcate some discipline in all of us and respect for this country so that the educated class does not use it as a platform to fly away to greener pastures. It's a long debate.

I don't know who or what to believe anymore. Let us all search for the truth and stop believing everything being shown on the idiot box. And I know the truth is out there. Let us all try to focus on things other than simply ourselves. And for that we need to take a day off, take a break from our capitalism infected lives devoid of any spiritual sense of existence. The day we begin to accept that we've become tools and robots for a system governed by sinister agendas contrived at a level unheard of, that will be a start.

I'll Never Let You Part

2009-07-10T00:52:00.000+06:00

"In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tribulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I'll Never Let You Part
For You're Always In My Heart"

-Michael Jackson (Will you be there)

You will always hold a special place in my life MJ. And the world will never forget you.

A walk to remember

2009-06-13T04:04:00.000+06:00

Prisoner to an endless cycle of internal decadence, if you lose your way then turn around and look for me when you're jilted. Follow the bread crumbs and pick up the trail to the misplaced castle of your lost dreams. Recollect the forgotten stories again and curse the murky depths of your memory for letting you down. Revisit your promises and the tears you shed for the very dream you left lifeless. The passage may look treacherous but trust me for once, it's safe. Don't let the screaming scare you. Don't let the tears haunt you. It's just the past...and even though it hates you with every inch of it's existence, it won't harm you. And along the way if you find some sleepless nights and words that won't be uttered again, please bring them back to me. They're homeless in your past. Don't wait for me at the gates. Leave that excess baggage and pick up my note from the ground without walking all over it this time. My words bleed and they led you here and now you know why. I'm not grieving for you. Back to your prison you go now, there's no way out.

Rumors about my engagement

2009-05-21T16:15:00.000+06:00

An empty mind is a devil's workshop. And it seems like the devil is on his way towards a major business expansion.

There have been rumors about my engagement lately. Today I'm posting here to clarify that as of May 21, 2009 I AM NOT ENGAGED and I have NEVER been engaged. I have nothing against people who get engaged or the act of getting engaged and will definitely announce it to the world when (and if) I get engaged.

And to the empty minds who are being silly, pretty please with a big cherry on top, get a life.

Orange

2009-05-09T16:11:00.000+06:00

Baba, orange makes your strong, right?
Yes beta, go on, have some
Yumm...these taste great...oh um, I swallowed one of the seeds baba!
Oh that's bad! Now it will grow a tree out of you, muwuhuhahaha!!
No way!
Yes way!
No!
Yes!
NO!!
YES!!
NOOO!!!!
Oh why are you crying? Just because you're going to grow a tree out of you?!
Nahin..main ye soch ker ro raha hoon ke wo bahar KAHAN se niklay ga!!

Madness that keeps me safe from me

2009-05-01T16:40:00.000+06:00

Here I am, making the biggest mistake I know I can ever make on a calm, uneventful day, looking at frozen pieces from the cheap red wine with awe. The background music from the Saya song doing its magic. And at this very moment, I also want to be a star, get to hang in a bar, want to go to Vegas and hit the payers just to forget my scars. Watching the dance that we call life, and even here in this dark, lonely room, I feel surrounded by people. They keep popping up from the windows behind me that have no cover. I can't hide. They shout my name..."ATHAR!!"...and God knows how many people hate that name just because this Athar guy woke them up in the middle of a peaceful afternoon. And as of now even though its way past midnight, my cell phone keeps ringing and beeping. This is madness. They know I'm not sleeping. I never sleep. My mom knows the truth though. I try to concentrate, coming back to redesigning this blank piece of paper, I won't call it page. Page is dead. Its a strange month, old Urdu and Persian poetry seems to make so much more sense all of a sudden. Momin Khan Momin, Meer Taqi Meer...they were pure geniuses, bigger than the Einsteins and Edisons I'd dare say, they can defy the laws of physics. Its like they personally knew me. And indeed, the only ones to have ever known me. Its a strange feeling to see someone else talking about your deepest vulnerabilities. I've been robbed. There's a stranger out there who knows what I look and sound like when I cry...and doesn't care. Stranger I've spent countless hours with, holding hands...I let my world revolve around my mistake, the kind I never seem to learn from, the kind I seem to have been in love with. I now see how it has transformed. Its like a walking banner with my caricatures all over it drawn with weak, red crayons. I wonder why you don't shout my name. Why do you only whisper it to your so called friend when you see me walk by and turn your back on me? From you I have nothing to hide. I'm not a liar, but I wish I were. Why do you try to hide your face? It didn't have to be this way...I let my world revolve around you. I keep saying this again and again and its like a tongue twister involved in a twist of fates. Those who hate me - please hate me more. Let me know and I'll give you more reason to do so. And that is my revenge, and revenge is sweet. I know its madness. A.R. Rahman creates masterpieces, I want to dance like no one's watching, just like the night we shattered the dance floor at RYLA. This is madness. I hope nobody's reading this...even though I feel surrounded by people who listen to my stories and laugh as I entertain them, they call it a movie in words. This is madness...and I like it. My cell phone is ringing again. I'm not picking up. Its 3am and the sms says "u sleeping? r u arrite?". This is madness, I love it...and I should get back to it.

The last few pages...

2009-01-16T13:00:00.000+05:00

Soaked in rain and tears, they still smell like Burberry London. The words written on the last few pages of my notebook are now obscure, and sometimes when I'm alone and fail to surround myself with people, I try not to let my mind wander...but it happens. I remember asking you to close your eyes as I closed mine under that starry night sky when you first held my hand, I remember wishing I could stop time. I remember wishing I could feel like that forever. It was funny when you pointed out the tremble in my hand when your entire presence was shaky. There couldn't have been a better conversation where nobody said a word and yet nothing was left unsaid. I haven't forgotten anything, I can't see how I ever will. And when you had to go, I wish you had trusted me...that I could handle it. I wish you hadn't made me hate you. I wish you had believed me. Surrounded by secrets, mysteries and lies...Its sad to see the path you've chosen for yourself...I can't see you go there...So I'll just hide behind my notebook and obscure the words on the last few pages...but we both know its gonna end in tears for you. Its just that now only one of us cares about your tears. And its not me.

Turn me to stone...

2008-10-04T03:11:00.000+06:00

There are spiders spinning silver webs of artificiality around the corners of everything I see around me. I am a useless, idle witness to this seemingly endless quest to divide and distinguish amongst people who were supposedly the same. Nothing seems to be more important than egos and short-term happiness, and little useless jokes that will be forgotten with the people who made them. Sometimes I feel something really important is missing, like water from an Arab's backpack. And yet the Arab gets ridiculed when he panics. Something has changed though, I don't remember names anymore. I forget routes and places, people and faces. I look beyond them instead of looking 'through' them as if my memory has had enough. I've lost my ability to smile when I don't mean to, and laugh when I should only be smiling, and crack little useless jokes. And yet, I miss all that. Why miss out on happiness?...even if it's short-term. Or maybe it's just another illusion...like the notion of a "best friend" that I used to have, an idea for which I could have argued and fought in my days of naïvety, and many others still do. Tonight is special and has brought a hidden passageway with it that leads back to a warm yet cloudy afternoon in 2003. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion that day and had a certain sense of calmness and the sort of beauty that can only be painted through violin notes on the stuff that clouds are made of. I close me eyes and feel it all over again and don't want to come back to this place...this very moment. And I thank you again for giving me a dream to hold on to for so long, it feels like another life now that I think about it. And no matter how trivial and insignificant it may seem to another person now, it meant the world to me and will always remain in my secret closet of forgotten, quiet mistakes.

Two Nations, Two Choices

2008-09-09T02:12:00.000+06:00

There's been a lot about Pakistan in the Indian media over the last 10 days: obituaries of Benazir Bhutto; predictions about the forthcoming election; attacks on General Musharraf; and conspiracy theories about the assassination.
I have no problems with much of the coverage, but I am disappointed by the unwillingness of most commentators to go further back in history After all, Pakistan was once a part of India. Both countries secured independence within a day of each other in 1947. And both made many important choices in the decades that followed: choices that explain why Pakistan and India have developed so differently.
And yet, there was a complete absence of historical perspective in much of the analysis.

Even a decade ago, I suspect that we would have covered Pakistan's tragic slide into anarchy very differently.
It's still fashionable for a certain kind of north Indian to say about Pakistan and Pakistanis, 'we are the same country divided by politicians. And we are the same people.' But as the years go by and new generations take over, this sentiment is fading. Punjabis may feel a kinship with Pakistan — many belong to families divided by Partition — but the rest of India seems much less empathetic.
I've been in Bombay and Bangalore since Benazir's assassination and it was interesting to note how little people cared about events in Pakistan and how quickly even that interest has begun to fade.

And if you follow the international press, you'll note that the old equivalence, where India and Pakistan were always talked about in the same breath, has now vanished. If Pakistan is compared to any country, it is to Afghanistan . India, on the other hand, tends increasingly to be compared to China. Few foreign journos even bother with the clichés they once used when they referred to Pakistan — such as, for instance: 'compared to its democratic neighbour India'. And rarely does the prospect of another India-Pakistan war (a traditional obsession with Western journalists) intrude into their analysis of events in that troubled country.

I remind you of all this to make two separate points.

One: we must not let the largely Delhi- and north Indian-dominated 'national' media blind us to the increasing irrelevance of Pakistan as a factor in determining India's future. Punjabi journos may be fascinated by Pakistan; the rest of us are merely curious.

But it is the second point that I regard as more significant . In the 1950s and in the 1960s, when India was ruled by a Nehruvian consensus, there were many critics — usually on the political right — who thought we had got it badly wrong. How did it benefit India , they asked, to follow some crackpot policy of non-alignment which involved a surreptitious tilt to the Soviet Bloc when we could so easily be friends with the US , the world's most powerful democracy?

There were only two major Asian countries that rejected the US prescription for development and foreign policy: India and China. And look where they are today.

Look at Pakistan, they said. Its rulers recognised that there was much to be gained from linking up with Washington and enjoying the benefits of American patronage. A steady stream of American aid dollars flowed into Pakistan . The armed forces had access to the latest weaponry. The streets of Karachi and Lahore were full of imported cars — not a Landmaster or an Ambassador in sight. Nor did Pakistanis have to put up with all this socialist nonsense. They valued free enterprise and were proud to say so.

The America-Pakistan equation frequently annoyed Indians. It sent us into paroxysms of rage when Richard Nixon and Harry Kissinger backed Pakistan 's whisky-sodden General Yahya Khan while his troops were committing genocide in Bangladesh . And anti-Americanism reached a peak when Nixon sent the Seventh Fleet to the Bay of Bengal during the 1971 India-Pakistan war. (He wanted to warn us off invading West Pakistan).

During the Zia-ul-Haq era, when Pakistan 's economy seemed robust and billions of dollars were pumped into the state treasury while we struggled to make ends meet, many educated Indians sincerely wondered whether we were paying the price for Pandit Nehru's mistaken choices. Hadn't Mohammed Ali Jinnah's heirs got it right while we floundered? Wouldn't India have been better off on America 's side?

There was a corollary to all this. In the 1960s, the Jan Sangh and Swatantra parties, which wanted us to renounce Nehruvian non-alignment and rush into Washington's embrace , also made the point that there was no harm in declaring that Hinduism was India 's state religion. If Pakistan could flourish as a Muslim country, then why should India be shy of owning up to its Hindu heritage?

With the benefit of hindsight, we can today safely say that every single one of those propositions was flawed .

The case of Pakistan is especially instructive. Because it believed all the American dogma about free trade, it never built for itself the kind of industrial base that India constructed at such huge sacrifice in the name of self-reliance. Because it tied itself so closely to US foreign policy, its diplomats did whatever America wanted, even helping pimp the first assignation between Kissinger and the Chinese in 1971. There's no denying that Pakistan got many Sabre jets and Patton tanks (remember the 1965 War?) along with billions of dollars in aid. It also got away with genocide in 1971. And the US turned a blind eye while its scientists ran a nuclear black market.

Treat those benefits as rent paid by America . Because Washington turned Pakistan into its largest military base , an entire country at the service of Uncle Sam.

In the 1960s , it was used to keep a watch on Russia (the U2 spy planes took off from there); in the 1970s, it served as a back channel for China-US diplomacy; in the 1980s, it was used for the Afghan 'jehad'; and now, it is a launch pad for a crucial part of the 'War on Terror'.

The Americans had no interest in developing Pakistan's economy or in promoting the institutions of democracy . They preferred to deal with a succession of military dictators (Ayub Khan, Yahya, Zia and now Musharraf) because it was both easier and quicker. And they actively exploited Pakistan's lack of secularism — its very raison d'être was its status as an Islamic nation — to launch the world's first high-tech jehad , thereby unleashing the fundamentalist and terrorist forces that are tearing Pakistan apart today. Looking back, it is hard to see how any country could have got it more wrong than Pakistan did. Every single choice it made — foreign policy, economic, religious, political etc — seems, in retrospect, to have been a disastrous mistake. In contrast, Nehru created the modern Indian republic, one of 21st century's potential superpowers. The same Americans who once dismissed India as a Russian lackey now throng our airports looking for investment opportunities .

When their President comes to India , he talks to our Prime Minister on equal terms and discusses foreign policy. When he goes to Pakistan on the other hand, he merely instructs their President on which terrorists to hand over to US authorities. Of course, Nehru made mistakes. But can anybody really deny that the principal reason why India and Pakistan , once part of the same country, have followed such divergent paths is because of the choices both countries made in the years following independence?

At first, India's priorities may have seemed (from a middle-class perspective) wrong-headed and muddled. Pakistan 's may have seemed glamorous and instantly gratifying. But, in the long run, we ended up as the superpower. And Pakistan as the failed state.
The divergent paths we have taken and the different destinations we have reached explain why, outside of the north, Pakistan seems no more than a curiosity to most Indians. There is a historical legacy, but our presents are very different, and our futures have nothing in common.

I respect Punjabi sentimentality about Lahore with its filmi notion of brothers separated by circumstances. But, Punjabi sentimentality and Bollywood aside , how can one not feel sorry for the people of Pakistan, betrayed by a succession of incompetent leaders, seduced by a superpower concerned only with its own interests, and bewildered by the tricks that fate has played on their beleaguered country?

History is full of ifs and buts. So who knows how things would have turned out? But just suppose there had been no Partition . Would these same people have lived a very different life? Would they have been part of the Indian success story?

That's a question for the ghost of Mohammed Ali Jinnah to answer.

-Vir Sanghvi

Worth the read -- Second article and its response

Very weighty analysis, and regretably true. I think we Pakis will emerge from our present predicament wiser and stronger, even if economically far behind India. In every American there is an air of incorrigible innocence, which seems to conceal a diabolical cunning, said A. E. Housman. I am afriad we fell for the American air of incorrigible innocence in the early days, and are only just beginning to discover its diabolical cunning. The lessons we have learnt first hand no leadership school anywhere could have taught us. I hope we dont wind up paying too steep a price for these tutorials, though it appears we may already have. The 7th Fleet merely added salt to open wounds.

The problem has been that most Pakis have a very high threshold for pain and general inconvenience. They are seized with the 'messiah syndrome' and waiting patiently for someone to come and fix their wagon. Well, for all one knows, someone may actually turn up and fix the Paki wagon, though it appears improbable. Hence the journey, if there is one, must be completed on foot. That is just fine, because under the present adverse circumstances regarding fossil fuel emissions, pedestrians and cyclists are to be encouraged in every respect. It makes for healthier bodies as well! My apologies if I appear to trifle with serious issues. But what else can one do when faced with 'irrefutable' evidence that we are up the creek and the paddle's gone missing? Or is this all a big charade? A grand conspiracy to drive the complacency out of the rank and file, and break it out of its slumber? Scare the bejezzuz out of the populace and force it 'out of the box' and into a state of mental agility?

Paki military dictators have treated the Paki populace as an extension of the regulars in uniform. This could never have been possible in a country the size of India. 160 million people lend themselves to marshalling more easily than 1 billion. The Paki civil society has never been more alive in its history than at the present moment, and the fundos are an integral part of this civil society whether we like it or not. The fundos are pushing their agenda and the much larger moderate body is pushing its agenda. Social justice and equity are the common objectives of both agendas, though the routes taken do differ, specially when talking of the lunatic fringe. Prevailing circumstances have forced the moderates to take to the streets in large numbers, and if the silver lining is to be seen, then the lawyers, media and political parties have given the lie in no uncertain terms to the stereotype that Paki streets are crawling with fundos.

While Uncle Sam may have our head honcho in uniform by the short and curlies, the same cannot be said about the Paki civil society. The dilution of the writ of the state, witnessed specially in the meagre number of tax payers and the huge informal economy cited by some at 11 times the size of the formal economy, is testimony that the Paki populace is nobody's fool, and understands the very tightrope that our formal leadership has to tread in its dealings with its 'unholy masters'. An old management axiom says that one cannot manage what one cannot measure, and Uncle Sam has no idea about the extent of the Paki curry!

India and Pakistan post 1947 have developed along two radically different models. The only way India could have functioned given its vast and differing population was through a system of strong institutions and self-reliance. Pakistan, with its much smaller population, had the luxury of adopting an inter-dependent model which, for all practical purposes, made us the 53rd American state The fact that we were far removed in geographical terms helped us both have the cake and eat it too, up to a point. America prided itself as a melting pot of cultures, and so did Pakistan, a common religion being no bar for different cultures. America, with its gospel of conspicuous consumption, was fascinating to a people whose belief structure mandated a Spartan life style. Hence we gorged on the American offerings, as and when they were made available, with little or no attention paid to developing our own industrial base. Whether gorging is permitted in our belief structure is another matter. So while today India aspires to be like China, we Pakis merely aspire to be ourselves, and in that regard we are trying to establish who we really are with a vigour unheard of and unseen in the past.

Would the territories comprising present day Pakistan and Bangladesh have been better off had Partition not taken place in 1947 at enormous sacrifice of human lives? Would we have been part of Shining India? Or would we have been part of the the huge Indian underbelly living below the poverty line, estimated by some at over 600 million? I really cant say. However, with the benefit of hindsight, I feel there would have been far less soul searching on both sides. We would also not have attained the levels of societal maturity had there not existed two antagonists in the Subcontinent. India has been likened to a Boeing 747 with a full load constrained by its construct to seek a predictable, straight and level flight. Pakistan, on the other hand, is often compared with the F-16 Fighting Falcon, 'condemned' by its construct to pull 'Gs' in the seeking of satisfaction. The question that goes abegging is, do we have our 'G' suits on?

aa

Source

My Dear President Musharraf

2008-08-18T23:41:00.000+06:00

17th August 2008

Dear President Musharraf,

I am one of those Pakistanis who love Pakistan and as such consider myself one of a minority. I do not expect you to pay any heed to this letter of mine nevertheless whatever is going on has forced me to pen a few words to you.

Mr. President, with a literacy rate of less than 60%, we are a nation at the lowest rung of the international literacy ladder. Before holding the latest fateful elections you ought to have known that our votes belong to people who promise us , ‘bread, clothes and shelter’, good jobs or to those whom we fear. Some of us vote just because we consider elections and rallies, a welcome break in the monotony of deprivation, a sort of prolonged party. We do not vote because we love Pakistan and wish the best for it. We think as families, clans, regions and ethnic groups. We could not quite place you in any of these groups so we could not possibly vote for you. Moreover, you did not make the usual speeches and promises to feed us, clothe us and house us.

Mr. President, you are a man of honour and character. We do not appreciate such men. You were trying to force us into loving Pakistan while we are fond of loving ourselves. What kind of a naïve person are you?

Mr. President, please resign. We do not deserve you. Facing the impeachment is another naivete you will commit as the people who have already bought our votes will spend some more and buy some more. They will make it sure that you regret the vision of a strong Pakistan. True, we will call you a coward for opting to resign/flee instead of challenging the charges against you but then what else do you expect from us? We love mistaking dignified silence as cowardly paralysis or proof of guilt.

In short, Mr. President, let us destroy Pakistan because it’s something we love doing and will never quit doing! Save yourself instead of trying to save Pakistan!''

18th August 2008

My Dear President Musharraf,

You have done what thousands of true Pakistanis were praying for you to do. You have resigned.

It remains to be seen if the pack of jackals will continue hunting you down or stop crying blood after your resignation. You will always stay our president no matter what these dirty politicians say.

Let's see what becomes of the bone, err, Pakistan now.

Our prayers with you,
Saima Noreen

Source: http://www.chowk.com/articles/my-dear-president-musharraf-saima-saqlain.htm

Half -asleep- stupor

2008-08-10T06:21:00.000+06:00

Its moments like these that I live for. For that tear that rolls down my cheek when the happiness is overwhelming and I know that no one knows. And when I can justify my madness, my passion, my energy and every moment of sheer, brutal hard work I put in...for moments like these. Overcoming the odds and defying fate, I have come back from behind to win this battle. Only to find what I always do...it was meant to be. I have learned to like this feeling...this way of life. And I know I will look back to this day, this moment, this place...and I will miss it. I have become so used to this. Sitting here in the dark, humming to classical music or screaming to rock... till I see light from the bottom of the doors to my left or right. I prefer the light from the right cuz it means my dad who asked me to go to sleep early tonight, like every night, has come out for a drink. I love the thrill of quickly jumping into bed and pretending to sleep. Sometimes it's okay to be childish and immature, I amuse myself with the thought. When the light comes from the left, its just the Sun doing its work, waking normal people up...and I chuckle thinking about how I'm sitting in the middle of East and West...in the South....which makes no sense to normal people, of course. I often think about those whose lives I have touched. I never delete the "thank you" texts. I like to collect them...they are one of my most precious intangible collections. I try to make at least one person feel special every day, cuz it makes me feel special. I'm not sure what I really seek...but at the end of the day, its moments like these that I live for.

The country I live in...

2008-07-13T00:42:00.000+06:00

Grand

2008-05-28T01:30:00.000+05:00

It is extremely annoying when we are left to rot in the dark or on the limited amount of backup power an above average Pakistani household maintains. I got a couple of extra sockets connected to the U.P.S so that I can stay online. I plan to make arrangements next month to go wireless and move to a 1 mbps connection. And finally we'll stop fighting over who gets to use which computer and which computer gets access to the internet. When the U.P.S runs out of battery, I usually go out for a walk under the night sky and it feels great. I amuse myself with how the sky above me is a picture of the past and some of the stars we see might not even exist today. An exploding star that is a 100 light years away will only be seen exploding a 100 years later on Earth. Speaking of Earth, I want to come back down to it now.

To my right is my dad's new work table and other office related furniture with lots of files and dust. Its funny I still call this table "new". It has been there for 7 years now (and that explains the dust I guess, yes we do have maids but dust accumulates fast when you live on a ground floor apartment). Maybe because it has taken place of where me and Amma used to sleep on her wooden bed that she used to call "takhat" in her Rampuri Urdu. Its been 12 years since she passed away. She was the first of my grandparents to pass away in my presence. They're all gone now. Sometimes I wonder why death comes to all of us. Why is it greater than all great men?

Had great men been spared, my grandfather would have been one of them. He was almost in his 90s but could recreate all anecdotes from his prime with the most vivid and colorful detail. How he killed that Lion or how he escaped the mad Elephant or how he hunted down that big cursed Peacock worshiped by the Hindus. And how he later fell mysteriously sick for a few years, with half his body paralyzed and then his amazing recovery. A top athlete, a gold medalist all his life at the Aligarh University...he lived the rest of his days in reminiscence. As if nothing else mattered after that. In his final years, his short-term memory left him. He could recall conversations from the 1950s but couldn't ever get enough of the nine o clock news. And to test my theory, I always wanted to ask him who the current prime minister was...and I knew that he didn't know. Partly because he was old and partly because prime ministers come and go fast here so I don't entirely blame him.

Its funny how I came up with names like Amma and Abba for my grandparents. I miss Amma and Abba. Cancer and old age took their lives. I feel sad for my parents sometimes when I empathize. Their parents are gone. My mom never got to see her mom. She passed away when my mom was an infant. And I confess I take my parents for granted sometimes. And I don't say it enough but I love them. And I wish I could say it more often. When I think of my life without them, it brings tears to my eyes. I feel like someone just took the roof away from above my head and I'm walking under the night sky again looking at that picture from the past. Only this time...the feeling isn't great.

And I better click publish now before the lights go out again...

Barson Ke Baad

2008-05-20T02:04:00.000+05:00

Barson ke baad
Barson ke baad...

Barson ke baad dekha
Aik shakhs dil-ruba sa

Ab zehen main nahin hai
Per naam tha bhala sa

Barson ke baad
Barson ke baad...

Aabroo khichay khichay se
Aankhein jhuki jhuki si
Baatein ruki ruki si
Lehja thaka thaka sa

Ab zehen mein nahin hai
Per naam tha bhala sa

Barson ke baad
Barson ke baad...

Pehlay bhi loag aey kitnay hi zindagi mein
Wo har tarah se lekin
Auron se tha juda sa

Ab zehen mein nahin hai
Per naam tha bhala sa...

Barson ke baad
Barson ke baad...

-Ahmed Faraz (Ahmed Jehanzeb version)

Misunderstood

2008-03-05T01:17:00.000+05:00

Athar! Its so hot in here!

Really? I don't think so....I'll just sit here.

No way! Main andar ja rahi hoon.

Andar? Andar where?

Underwear?

No I said Andar? - where?!

*********************************************

*Reading the shocking pink Dawn News - Open Frequency poster*

"Let's Mass Debate!"

phfffttttt.....hahahahaa

What? What's so funny?

Say that again!

I just said, let's mass debate!

HAHAHHAHAHA.....say that again!

.......
........

NO I did NOT say, let's m@sturbate!

Dust

2008-02-01T00:27:00.000+05:00

In my state of reclusion, I like to explore dusty shelves full of books that haven't been touched in years. I like the sight of plankton like tiny flying colorless particles visible only in the sunlight filtered through my window, creating a shiny staircase in my room. Relationships are like those friable pieces of paper that turn to powder if handled inappropriately. I take great care of books though. As a child, I despised people who wouldn't treat my books right; people who wrote on the smooth pages, people who wet their fingers with their tongues to turn over with a habit of bending pages, leaving dents. They made simple tasks look very "sophisticated" and I found it funny...not the HA-HA wala funny but the strange wala funny. My old drawer is my little time machine that takes me back to the early days. It's funny how some of those little pieces of paper, birthday cards, eid cards, postcards, notes, chalks and rubbers have survived in that little place for all those years. Its like a little museum in there. There are times when I feel friable too and feel like I'm going nowhere. But I see light at the end of the tunnel and it keeps me going. It's funny again how I end up trusting myself and you time after time. One of my greatest fears is that when we meet, you're gonna cry and I'll hug you...but its only gonna be friendly.

Twenty3

2008-01-27T02:41:00.000+05:00

I ran out of credit, battery and memory. Thanks a lot for the calls/sms/walls/scraps and what not you guys. My bday is always a big day for our family cuz it's also my parents' wedding anniversary. I told a kid about this back in school and he stood up immediately and announced "Ma'am, Athar is saying that he was born on the same day his parents got married!". Anyways, this bday makes me feel like I'm a dada to all of you children. So off you go now and I'll see you all on Monday *cough*cough*.

PS: My apologies if I forget to tag anyone on facebook in this.

Letter to Santa

2007-12-24T17:18:00.000+05:00

Don't quit...

2007-12-23T00:38:00.000+05:00

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will
When the road you are trudging seems all uphill
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile but have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must but don't you quit

Life is queer with its twists and turns
As everyone of us sometimes learns
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won, had he stuck it out
Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup
And he learned too late when the night came down
How close he was to the golden crown

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems afar
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit

-http://www.rom101.com/storyview.jsp?storyid=367

Untitled

2007-12-05T18:45:00.000+05:00

I succumb to the blog again...whining about my mysteriously busy life. I have no idea where all my time goes. No one really knows. Right now I'm supposed to be doing this mammoth HRM assignment which has already been covered for the most part, thanks to my wonderful group in HRM. You guys rock. Thank you! Oh and there's this killer FI quiz tomorrow, gotta study for that too...the mids were very screwed up, more than half the class is failing. Not helping though is this terrible "headache in my head" in Meera's rhetoric (Also, please see: "The court is in your balls now").

Regardless of how uncool it may sound, I don't like eating out. No matter how delicious the food may taste, I can't help but notice the low level of hygiene in their kitchens (HAAN BHEI MAIN BOHOT ANGRAIZ HOON AUR SEAT-BELT BHI LAGATA HOON). But its ok as long as the conversation makes up for everything else. Unfortunately that wasn't the case today. And I hate arguing about shit that I hate arguing about! Bottom line, I hate arguments in all their forms and manifestations. I mean for crying out loud, why would anyone in their sane mind consider it gay to give respect to a woman? And if you didn't know why you don't have anyone but yourself to hang out with in college, now you so do. I know its good for a laugh but you people are the ones who should think about this, not me. I have no regrets, no insecurities and no confidence issues. I am not afraid of anyone or anything. And it is certainly not my problem if you refuse to move on and let your mentality grow beyond what it used to be in high school. I believe in giving genuine respect to each and every friend and acquaintance of mine and that's what I do, be it a guy or girl. I can't ignore them on my way to class just like I can't ignore you. It doesn't matter if I meet them twice a day or in years, I've made it a habit to eventually let go of whatever went wrong between me and them...cuz cmon, you only live once...there's no point in holding grudges. I know being the friend of all means having no real friends at all but I like meeting new people, I still hang out with the friends I made in 1989! And I'm sorry if you can't make new friends and claim to be "class conscious". Bullshit. I beg you to let go of the very basic primate style perception of the world. Stop being lucy hypocrites. To me, looks aren't important the way they used to be in my teens. I'm past it. Sure, I love crazy hair styles and find that don't-give-a-damn attitude to be a huge turn on. And the people who know me well actually understand what I mean when I say it, there's nothing complicated about it. Too bad you carry your x-ray vision with you all the time. Too bad you see every loosely dressed girl as a whore dying to get into bed with you...or may I say, even you. And that's the reason you walk alone and singing that song doesn't make you cool. Try to look into a girl's eyes instead of trying to see through her clothing, at least when you're in a conversation, one on one. And I know that EVEN YOU know I'm right cuz I know you well enough. Losing your dignity for the sake of winning an argument aint worth it my friends. And I'm sure every time you talk like that, something pinches you from the inside...cuz you know that there are women in your family too. I'm pretty damn sure none of you think or talk about them like that. And that's respect. THAT...is moving beyond the basics and I wish you could exhibit that everywhere. And if you think I've got a crowd of girls around me all the time, I'm afraid you're mistaken, its only what you choose to see and I'd have to insist; You need to jump on a train that goes beyond tits and ass. Have a nice trip.

Bubbly!!! :D

2007-11-26T23:59:00.000+05:00

Will you count me in?

I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feeling like a child now
`Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

It starts at my toes and I crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
please stay for a while now
Just take your time where ever you go

The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under covers staying dry and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

They start at my toes make me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for awhile now
Just take your time where ever you go

But what am I gonna say
When you make me feel this way
I just...mmmmmmmm

It starts at my toes makes me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for awhile now
Just take your time
Where ever you go

Da da da da da da da da da da da da da dum
Bom bo da da da da da da da da da bom
Mmm mmm

I've been asleep for a while now
You tuck me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul and I lose all control
When you kiss my nose the feeling shows
'Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
holding me tight

Where ever, where ever, where ever you go
where ever, where ever, where ever you go

Oh wherever you go I always know
'Cause you make me smile baby just for a while

My bad

2007-11-26T03:07:00.000+05:00

So...its around 3:30 am. Gotta go to college tomorrow and I'm still up for no real reason. The artificially created insomnia continues. Just came back from the carnival at Askari 3 and it kinda sucked. First day after the mids tomorrow and I can feel the pressure of the finals already. Quite a few assignment submissions coming up. Went to this MBR focus group conducted at some coffee house this saturday night with Hasan. The coffee was great especially because it was free. That was fun, except for when we were leaving...cuz this girl in the group actually knew me from my HRM class and was a witness to the me-on-the-floor-with-my-legs-up episode. And I had to tell the rest of the gang about it then - again. What they didn't know was that that wasn't the only thing that happened that day. Later that night, when I was on a walk in front of Expo, a white Civic stopped in front of me. The person inside had wet, dark black hair, tons of kajal and make-up. "Cmon janu, get in the car! Cmon!" - it was a guy. Apparently someone very gay. I just kept walking to save my ass from being gang raped by these mysterious silhouettes in the car. It was when I discussed this with my friends in the neighborhood that I found out that its a norm at Expo at night. Just your presence over there means you're waiting to be picked up by someone like...that someone mentioned above. In short, its a statement and it says: I'M GAY & I WANT IT BAD. Yes I know it may surprise a few people but walking around expo at night is not recommended anymore if you're straight. And this was worse than that time when this weird guy with a pink cell phone came to me when I was waiting for a friend at KFC - Khayaban-e-Ittehad and asked me if I'm the guy from that commercial. I said John when he asked me my name and ran away. I suck when it comes to striking up conversations with homosexuals and pimps. I know.

"How does it feel?"

2007-11-13T22:33:00.000+05:00

You don't have to mention it again, thank you. No it is not necessary to bring it up again. Please don't, ever. Yes I know it seemed pretty funny to 40 odd people when I made history again today. And though its hard to believe, I found it funny too! You girls are useless, start exercising or something yaar! Pathetic reflexes I must say. I mean you could see the horror on my face as I was falling almost in slow motion. And I instantly knew its that time of the year when even my cheeks turn pink. I guess I took it pretty well though. Someone told me its not how bad you fall, but how long you stay on the ground. I got up all right! And gave you all an opportunity to laugh for 10 mins plus whenever you see me again. I guess there's something about this blue shirt. It always leads to an increase in my infamy. And somehow I end up liking it. Yes sir I'm fine and feel pretty amazing. I'm quite used to making an ass out of myself in public. Its been a while, yeah. And you know what's even cooler? Writing stuff that nobody really gets. Yeah baby, I rock...wooh!

Revival

2007-11-08T01:17:00.000+05:00

Things haven't changed much since I was 4. The black ink spots on my drawing room wallpaper, the furniture, old books, cards, notes, how they make me feel when I close my eyes and turn the pages...and how the air off them smells like 1991. And you...you're still everywhere. Sure I was innocent back then. All I wanted to do was to hold your hand and look at you forever without ever saying anything. And you always knew how it was, or perhaps it was the greatest lie I had ever told myself. Every song I heard, every movie I watched, every person I met...somehow reminded me of you. And it still happens once in a very dark blue moon. It wasn't your fault. Its just silly me...I ended up relating everything to you. And made it an excuse for everything I did wrong in my life. I started deriving pleasure from living in my self-created misery. But it did end, and it wasn't pretty. Calling it awkward would be an understatement. I hope you understand, I had no choice. I had to do what I did. And everything happens for the best, or that's how one should rationalize anyway. And you still visit me sometimes. Thank you for that. Thank you for those glances from behind trees and fences when I'm walking slow and you think I wouldn't notice. I notice a lot but realization evades me until later. And guess what...I just realized you'll never read this.

2007-11-08T00:48:00.000+05:00

"...i wonder how many 20 year olds write blogs and diaries and notes every single day littered with the word love in it. i wonder how many glorify it when it is bullshit and how many think they have it when they dont. i wonder how many people feel obliged to love only because they hear he is in love with them, and then i wonder how many tell themselves every day they are soooooo in love maaaaan, because it makes them complete. i wonder how many people say they are in love because they feel beautiful when he is looking at them. or how many strongly believe this is love because they cant get over how beautiful she looks when the sun falls into her eyes. or how many think they are in love because heyyyy!this must belove because he isnt gorgeous and he isnt so terrific and yet i cant get enough of him.
and im sitting here wondering...i hate teen angst phenomenon.
and im sitting here telling myself I am above all of it. or past it. and im lying again. but i believe it. so dont point that finger at me...."

http://jumpthespace.blogspot.com/2005_03_01_archive.html

The Zombie Rhyme

2007-10-01T04:49:00.001+05:00

Come to me, I'll accept you with open arms. Push me to the limit and I'll be blind to your charms. Then you can cry all you want in that dark corner of your room. Silly as hell you are and that's all I'd assume. I gave you a chance but now you're out of time. And that is why I write here the Zombie Rhyme. So you thought your words cut me like a knife? I'd say girl, seriously get a life! Sure I stay up all night, yes its true. I lose sleep for people, but only a few. I think this, I do that...I'm so damn confused. My anger is like a bomb, waiting to be diffused. My life is a mess, I'll have to admit. So with all due respect, I don't need your shit. What made you think you're so paramount? Cuz honestly I can sell you at a 90% discount. I made a promise, that with losers I won't be stuck. I've seen your ways, and sunshine you totally suck. I find you repulsive, the feeling is intense. So please buzz off now, really...no offense.

More than you, more than you know...

2007-09-05T18:16:00.000+05:00

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
And I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
And I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,

I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
And I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
And I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Chris Daughtry - Over You

The Smallishness

2007-09-04T07:14:00.001+05:00

Zoom out! Zoom out until the globe becomes a small tennis ball. And on the ball live billions of people. Walking, running, eating, smiling, laughing...crying, bleeding, screaming, dying...or worse, getting heartbroken.

You too lie on the ball...wondering how it revolves around you. But open your eyes and look at the ball. The realization will come. It doesn't.

And so who cares if you bleed? Who cares if you cry? It happens every day. It happens to millions everyday. Nobody will come to wipe your tears. You're the one who has to change, who has to move on. You're the one who will have to fight...and win.

Most of us are heroes in our eyes. And rightly so. For its this sense of security and achievement that gives us reason to live. Everybody you meet everyday must've suffered, must've seen sleepless nights. They must've put their blood, sweat and tears into something....and still lost. Never judge a book by its cover.

And now that its happening to you, zoom out. And look at that small green circular thing. Your pain will look small. You will feel silly. You will get up. You will smile. And with that shake of your head, you will move on. You will survive. You will live.

WTF ROFL LMAO!!!!!!

2007-07-13T20:39:00.000+05:00

And now...proudly presenting...Kashhhhiiiiiiiiifffff Memmmooonnnnn
See more videos on vidPK.com

Round 2

See more videos on vidPK.com

Semi Finals!

See more videos on vidPK.com

The funniest ever video description on YouTube!!

2007-07-07T04:08:00.000+05:00

"Alright, ruling out the Ice Caps melting, meteors becoming crashed into us , the Ozone layer leaving and the Sun exploding , we're definitely going to blow ourselves up.

Hokay, so basically we've got China, France, India, Isreal, Pakistan, Russia, the U.K. and Us...with nukes...(We've got about 2600 more than anybody else, whatever).

Henyway, one day, we decides, those Chinese sonsofabitches are going down. So we launch a nuke at China. While it's on it's way, China's like, "Shit shit! Who the fuck is shooting us?" "Oh well! Fire missiles!"

Then France is like, "Shit guys...we got ze missiles zey are coming! Fire our shit!" "But I'm le tired"..."Well, have a nap-zen fire ze missiles!!!"

Meanwhile, Australia is down there like, "wtf, mates?" India, Isreal and Pakistan launch their shit , so now we've got missiles flying everwhere, passing each other. Russia's like, "AAAHHH!! Motherland!" Then England's like, "'Bout that time, eh, chaps?"..."Righto"...

So now the U.S. is like, "Fuck, we're dumbasses" . Canada's like, "What's going on, eh?" Australia's still like, "wtf?" Mars is laughing at us. And some huge meteor is like, "Well fuck that"...

So, now we've got nuclear winter , heveryone's dead 'cept Australia, and they're still like, "wtf?"...But they'll be dead soon. Fucking Kangaroos.

But, assuming we don't blow ourselves up, us Californians just have to worry about California breaking off from the United States. To go hang with Hawaii . Alaska can come too

The End! "

Mull-Ass

2007-07-05T09:02:00.000+05:00

Whoever said that the mullas at the "Red Mosque" lost...think again. The boss got himself body-searched with a group of women, BY a group of women. Mission accomplished. He must be one happy mulla now.

Because for everything in this country, there's a conspiracy theory...so here's mine.

That lovable hate list

2007-06-23T05:08:00.000+05:00

I try not to judge people. But I can't help it if I discover their online presence before I actually get to meet them. And then I look at each and every thing they've written on their profile whether its Orkut, Facebook, a blog or whatever...I never really read it, but look at it like a picture. It really matters to me how people express themselves in written language. It tells a lot about them. How they use capital letters, punctuation, how much are they willing to disclose about themselves, what kind of people have they added to their profiles, how they use words to describe emotions, what kind of testimonials or public messages/scraps do they have, whether they say "haha" or "LOL", how good is their grammar, etc. I don't know if others notice this stuff...I'm a freak.

But I believe written language reveals the real you. I'm not sure if this is because of my own internal representations or what, but I believe I can feel people through their words. I form impressions of how they want to be perceived, what they want the world to know and what they have to show for themselves. I can almost feel their deepest fears and vulnerabilities in ways that can not be articulated. I can smell the early morning air right now and hear those birds who always seem to wake up on time. And yet here I am writing this without the slightest idea of what day/time/date it is. "It is overwhelming, to cautiously reveal your own revolting vulnerabilities and watch them being collected gently, even adoringly, into another part of you that some- one can find beautiful."

Hate is a strong word. I don't think I can hate anyone. Not permanently, at least. People are people. People are not their behaviors. Behaviors and people are different things. But the relation of people with their behaviors can never be denied. We end up associating feelings with people rather than their behaviors, we're not robots, its quite natural. So, there are behaviors that I hate, especially concerned with written expression...which implies that I "hate people" who:

Use capital letters inappropriately, without realizing how THIS MEANS YOU'RE SCREAMING!

Write romantic stuff to describe themselves.

In case of social networking, add up random people asking for their friendship. I mean how sad are you guys?

Use "nicks" to reveal their deepest secrets and still refuse to actually discuss them. I mean, is there a camera rolling on you or what? WTF!?

Use their passport or "modeling" photos as their display pics.

Say stuff like "You Rocks!" or "You suxxx"

Say "Hi too!" in reply to Hi! regularly.

Use photos with some silly Allama Iqbal like side-poses.

Write "cute na?" as a caption.

Start every sentence with the word "well".

Use "133t" speak.

Wear shades indoors and upload a complete photo session in the given circumstances.

Upload their shirtless photos and think they're attracting chicks. Think again, you're gay as in GAY and not as in happy.

Have ANYTHING to do with Star Plus or any Desi Soap for that matter.

Have "text pictures" on their profiles.

As the moderator of my school and college communities on Orkut and Facebook, I experience this shit everyday. I'm not saying this is how it should be or this is how the world should work. Its more a matter of opinion. I say all of the above mentioned people deserve to be exiled from civilized society. Such people shall be ignored and/or avoided by everyone who is or aims to be popular in college and have a life one day. I'm actually a bit surprised how the tone of this post has changed all of a sudden. Guess I'll go running, time to sleep.

For the Literary & Public Speaking Society magazine...2nd draft :p

2007-06-03T03:11:00.000+05:00

Bus kerdo Bus!

This article is rated PG 13 and “Disgusting” by the critics.

Reader discretion is advised.

For some reason, our beloved college is located in Korangi Creek which is not the most easily accessible area of the city. This makes getting to CBM something of a challenge every morning. And there are days when I miss the Point and/or get ditched and get no ride with friends either. That’s when I come to college in S2. Now what exactly is S2? Sounds like some new luxury car doesn’t it? No sir, it’s a public bus!

I ended up with just 2 classes in a week when I registered for summer ’05. Therefore, it wasn’t practical paying for the point. So for the first time ever in my life, I decided to travel in a public bus…in S2! A few “macho”, “seen it all”, “been there, done that” kind of guys made fun of me when they found out that I had never traveled in a bus before. Despite the fact that I thought their “standards of masculinity” were quite low, I took it up as a challenge. The experience wasn’t so bad at first, apart from the stinky people and some very desperate-to-have-a-seat stinky people. S2 usually takes about 45 minutes to reach Korangi Crossing from my place and is relatively less crowded than other buses. So life wasn’t so bad after all…until the day “it” started happening, a streak of events that changed my life forever! Umm…well, sort of!

First, there was this piece of metal hanging from one of the worn out seats and it ripped a good part of my jeans off. I bunked my class that day. Then I started noticing how some strange people at the back always invited young boys eagerly to sit with them and I don’t feel like elaborating on that right now. But the best was yet to come. During one of my journeys, I was peacefully reminiscing about how I hit some big guy for a six out of the park when the person sitting ahead of me decided to spit through the window. We’ve all witnessed how the “Sultans of Swing” Waqar and Wasim have troubled batsmen over the years but this one really topped it all. I saw the saliva fly through his window only to come back through mine and hit me in the face. My world went blank. I remember trying to re-program my senses, trying to tell myself that it’s just a nightmare. I probably tried to pinch myself too. But it felt so real. Just recalling the feeling…the whole “texture” of it…sends shivers down my spine. Oh well, life goes on I guess. But on the positive side, it was quite literally the most amazing “piece” of reverse swing ever!

On yet another occasion, I realized that the person sitting with me was hunting for treasure in his nose but it never dawned upon him that his biggest gem had already landed on my forearm. I wanted to punch his brains out but then remembered from whatever little amount of experience I had, that there are certain rules when it comes to fighting in a bus. No matter how personal your issue is, the involvement of all the passengers in it is inevitable, so you have to get them on your side first. To achieve this, you need to beat the person in a rhetoric battle. Basically, you have to tear the other person apart with your rhetoric such that the audience understands and agrees with you. The louder and wittier you are, the better your chances of winning. Whoever wins the rhetoric battle joins hands with the rest of the public and beats the crap out of the loser. And honestly, I suck at confrontations and since the best come-back I usually come up with is “jo kehta hai woi hota hai”, I decided it wasn’t worth the risk and effort. But of course you can skip this step in certain cases. For example, you can absolutely smack people when you feel like their hands are crawling anywhere on your body (unless you like that, of course). The culprits would most likely respond by suddenly jumping out of the fast moving bus. Sure they’d end up on the road but don’t worry, somehow they always survive.

Conductors aren’t the nicest of people either. They usually argue with passengers for no real reasons and no matter how hard you try to protect your shoes, they will step on them sooner or later. They will ask you to move ahead and make space even when it’s not an option. They tell men to occupy the female passenger seats and hog the left over space by holding on to one of those life saving rusty poles. An interesting fact about conductors is that they are hard to spot sometimes because almost everybody traveling in S2 looks like a conductor. I remember how I just assumed this random person coming towards me was the conductor when actually he was not. He gave me the strangest of looks when I tried to pay him the fare. Also, there are people who carry bags or other objects and make sure they hit you with them from time to time until you offer to carry their load for them. It’s not always so bad though. I’ve seen a few good things too. Like, people respect the elderly. They leave their seats for them. And…and umm…oh yea! Err no I guess that’s it.

So the whole experience has made me The Alpha Male now, therefore, I can own any of you out there, any day of the week. Anyways, I guess summer ‘05 was probably a period of extreme bad luck since I still travel in S2 sometimes when I get ditched and such things don’t happen anymore. Through this magazine, I would like to make a request though: On your way to college, if you ever find me on Korangi Crossing, please consider what I’ve been through, stop your car and give me a lift. Thank you very much. ~~You are magar mach.~~

Summary of 99% people you'll meet at college

2007-05-20T18:30:00.000+05:00

THE CLOSET ACTIVIST

TCA can find something racial or discriminating in everything. Unlike activist annie, TCA doesn’t have the courage to stand for what they believe, in front of large crowds. Resembling the facebook zombie, TCA spends countless hours searching for groups that may be the least bit offensive. TCA will join groups just to make strong, false accusations and posts. TCA may be seldom seen with activist annie to avoid association. You will never find TCA at any major demonstration.

THE PERPETUAL HANG-OUTER

This person is someone you chilled out with once or twice, and found you had a lot in common with. You run into them maybe 4-5 times a semester, usually at a party or while running late for class. No matter the situation, their characteristic response is: "Gah, we need to hang out some time. Call me, and we'll (insert mutually beneficial activity here)." You agree, but neither make any effort to call one another to hang out.

GRADE INQUIRER

The G.I. immediately has to know what grade you got on test the second you get it. G.I. will not divulge their own grade if yours was higher. If G.I. did get a higher grade, they'll offer a sympathetic shrug and let you know you did better than so and so and keep your head up.

THE 1 HIT WONDER

You will never hear this guy/girl ever say anything, whether it be to other students or the professor. Then one day, after looking extremely intense or constipated for an hour straight, they will say something so gloriously insightful that it will bring tears to the eyes of everyone who bears witness to it.

Then they will never speak again.

THE PROCRASTINATOR

This kid always procrastinates and is perpetually hurrying to finish papers or projects on deadlines. He/she work best 2-3 hrs before a deadline and are known to be b.s.-ing genius's... They always boast they procrastinate but shed years worrying about their papers!!

TOO MUCH STUFF GIRL/GUY

They have a huge backpack with every book for all their classes in it. A change of clothes, an umbrella and groceries. They are always late yet will choose the seat in the front middle next to the projector maximizing the disruption to the class.

BIOLOGICAL WEAPON

The B.W.even having a 103.2 fever will still attend class, and will spend more time in class coughing, sneezing, wheezing, blowing their nose, and sniffling than they do not making noise. While their dedication to education may be set in stone, it is advised to avoid this person like the plague, even if it means missing class to stay healthy.

THE KID THAT FUCKING NO-ONE LIKES

This kid is a douche bag! And for arguments sake let’s call him “Junaid” This kid will attempt to befriend you then manage to say or do something so unspeakably rude or offer some backwards compliment. Parties disassemble whenever this Ass hat manages to find his way to one.

THE Fuckin' Noo Yawker aka EMPIRE STATE COCK

A disproportionately large number of Fuckin' Noo Yawkers are criminal justice, law, public administration majors. Actually from Long Island, the Fuckin' Noo Yawker has the uncanny talent of injecting the fact that they're from the NYC area into just about every conversation. They complain about just about every aspect of their college town, saying that it's inferior in some way to NYC. "You can't get a good bagel at 3:00 on a Sunday morning!" "The pizza here sucks!" They'll even take positive traits of their new surroundings and turn that into a negative - "The subway here in Washington is too clean! It's not a real fuckin' subway like in Noo Yawk, with litter, bums, rats, the smell of piss and shit. That's real, not this sanitized Metro rail shit where they won't even let you eat a fucking pastrami on rye!"

WALK SLOWER THAN GRANDMA PERSON

Often in groups of two or three they will stretch out in a line and walk slower than an old person with a walker. Also known to hog sidewalks force other students use the grass.

THE SUBURBAN RAPPER

The Suburban Rapper can be found in any common area, listening to his own music on his IPOD at an unreasonable volume. Generally (but not always) white, he awkwardly uses the words Dog, Crib, Homie, Phat, G, or Ill. If he spots you, he'll ask you to "peep this new track yo," or attempt to sell you tickets to his half-assed concert. His music is generally unbearable, and if you're lucky, you can get away with only hearing a few verses. He always seems surprised that his poser antics never land him a girl, or a record deal.

ACTIVIST ANNIE

Somewhat related to the man-hating feminist but has plenty more to piss her off than just men. Needs to get involved in every civil rights or ultra liberal campaign that has ever been mentioned on campus. Tries to make a cause out of every problem anybody has with authority, no matter how absurd or completely unfounded the complaint.

YOU’RE A LITTLE TOO OLD TO BE HERE GUY

Usually in the 28-32 year range, this species refuses to let go of the joys of college. Can be found on campus seven days a week, and is always present at EVERY SINGLE FRAT PARTY. Will give you some lame, shady excuse why he’s still in college, and will then befriend you so he can abuse the T1 connection in your dorm room to download porn. Most often has no friends his own age, is unemployed and still lives with his parents. Because he is older than everyone else, he will constantly criticize everyone for acting like children, but will then throw a tantrum when you won’t let him play a game of HALO. You can recognize him by his weird and outdated taste in clothing and his fondness for 80’s rock music. Usually very loud, obnoxious and opinionated in the classroom, with traits similar to that of THE EXAM BEGGER and THE INTELLECTUAL SUPERHERO.

THE EXAM BEGGER

This person cannot take a test without first begging for as much review or information as possible. They cannot prepare for a test without first knowing seemingly unimportant details like "How many questions are on this test?" They will beg for extra review sessions, extra credit, and to know the exact breakdown of how the test is scored. They will waste the whole class when a test is announced if the professor doesn't shut them up. They will also spend the entire first session of a class, when the syllabus is presented trying to make homework a much higher percentage of the total grade.

BIBLE SLUT

Generally starts out being the CONVERTER, straight-laced and conservative; they go to church every week and brag about that fact often. This person even has the ability to recite any and every bible verse from memory. Then THE LUCKY BASTARD or JOHNNY THREE LEGS introduces them to the marvels of SEX,and it's all down hill from there, as they descend into the foul pits of whoredom. They of course will still go to Church every week in order to keep up a facade of piety, singing the glories of baby Jesus.

THE BABYFACE

This kid graduated high school early, but doesn't really make a big deal about it. Because of this, his social skills are somewhat undeveloped, and he is quick to attach himself to social groups in order to gain acceptance. Said social groups are quick to make him the subject of their corruption projects, and take great pleasure in getting him drunk/laid/stoned for the first time.

THE AMICABLE ATHLETE

Sort of the polar opposite of the Hillbilly Gangster, the Amicable Athlete is usually about 6 foot three, weighing in at 225 pounds, and looks like Sam Jackson on steroids. Attending college on a sports scholarship, the Amicable Athlete probably works a cushy job at a car dealership, gets more tail than you can possibly imagine, is more or less constantly high on primo weed all of the time, and is smart enough to know that he's in for an easy ride and to enjoy it and throws great parties! While he might never turn pro, there's a good chance he'll get a good gig on the local AM sports radio station

THE STAREDOWN-ER

If this kid is corrected by another student on anything, no matter how wrong they were, and how right the corrector was, his wrath shall be incurred in the most passive-aggressive manner possible: Silently glowering at their new 'nemesis'. No matter if the incident occurred once, months ago, any time you look in this kid's general direction, he will still be fucking staring at you with the hatred of a thousand warlords. Will probably lead the victim of his piercing gaze to do a number of 'Is he still fucking staring at me?' checks.

THE WHITE RASTAFARIAN

All of his tie-dyed clothes are made from, like, pure natural hemp, man! He most likely sports an impressive set of dreadlocks and can be easily spotted as he skateboards to his next class. The White Rasta can also be found playing an odd game called 'hackey sack' along with others of his kind in any park-like area, or any place that has a couple of trees nearby, and seem to have an affinity for border collies and other shaggier members of the species canine. They also seem to possess an almost MacGuyver-like ability to create a bong from a combination of nearly any common household objects within a matter of moments.

THE NEWLY-RIPE FRUIT

This guy's gay! You see, he's only just found out and now he's got to make up for lost time. He may have had a healthy interest in sports, or board games - but no more. He tries, for the sake of decorum, to occasionally talk about things that do not directly involve his gayness, but he is unequal to the struggle and five or six minutes down the line, the increasingly one-sided conversation has shifted to his multiple fuck buddies, or one of his alarmingly variegated fetishes. You see, just liking cocks isn't enough - that's not gay enough for the Newly-Ripe Fruit to truly express himself. He must round his sexuality out with public discussion of whips or chains or piss drinking, but more often than not he decides he is a furry as well, and won't let it escape anyone's notice. Possibly does more to set back the cause of tolerance than Fred Phelps ever did.

THE NURSING STUDENT

OMG BUSY! These girls (invariably) are incredibly busy with their nursing school workload. Despite this, they get shit faced constantly with their fellow nursing school students, only to wake up at 5am for their OB rotation. Often incredibly attractive, these girls typically are still attached to the same guy they knew in high school, who they will marry.

THE CAVE DWELLER

His blinds are never open. His light's never on. He lives by the light of his computer. Whenever he goes out, which is very, very rare, he squints and looks frightened, often power walking to class. He uses the internet for his lectures, and never sleeps when you do, so you can't hang out with your friends/girlfriend at your place. He's not nice, but he's not mean. He's clean, but his room's a mess. There's Mountain Dew cans everywhere. He gets average grades, and he's usually a science major, though sometimes a Lit or English major.

MUSCLES MCFLAUNTY

This individual (almost always a guy) has been lifting weights since age 4, and never lets you forget about it. He goes to the gym twice a day, wears nothing more covering than a wife beater, and constantly twitches his pecs just to get you to look at his chest. McFlaunty may or may not be otherwise annoying, but it is a known fact that he eats creatine for breakfast, lunch and dinner to increase muscle mass even further; this will result in four different cancers before he is 30. Occasionally, Muscles McFlaunty will have a lisp, in which case, laugh at him.

MRS. DEGREE

Misses degree has no real purpose in college except finding "Mr. Degree" majoring in some lucrative field such as computer programming, premed, law, or engineering. Often packed with great looks, a killer body and half a brain Mrs. Degree has no problem being a mere shadow of their wealthy husband and is always the first to brag and attempt to start "intelligent conversation" on the career of Mr. Degree. Always on the prowl, you may find Mrs. Degree befriending such characters as the Study Nazi, FUCKING DISGUSTING C.S. MAJOR, and the CEO Junior.

SOCIAL DISORDER GUY

Avoided by everyone, this person possess a crippling social tic that goes completely unnoticed to him. If you're unlucky enough to be identified by social disorder guy in public, you will be followed regardless of how much of a hurry you pretend to be in. You will be forced, due to social etiquette, to engage in a meaningless and awkward conversation that will be filled with characterizations of your self image. Social Disorder Guy is completely comfortable stopping on his way to work for fifteen minutes or half an hour to fill you in on one of two things: either his roommate is moving out again or he has a new job. You have no classes with him, and you never see him except for random times during the day around your campus, yet he considers you one of his best friends. You probably are.

THE ANSWER MACHINE

This person gets it! They understand the material. They can answer the hard questions that require logical induction and they can form arguments using the material.
Unfortunately, everyone else in the class is either the Quiet, Smart Slacker or The Frat Mattress or I'm Too Important to Be Here. The professor lectures and asks a question and no one will answer. Grated by the awkward silence, The Answer Machine finally answers.

The floodgates open. From the rest of the semester onwards, the class is a dialogs between The Answer Machine and the professor interspersed with infrequent, sometimes mind-numbing comments from The Frat Mattress when she's called on and the slacker when they care. But for the most part, it's The Answer Machine. Even when they don't answer, the professor will call on them regardless of whether or not their hand is raised.

THE MEGAPHONE

This guy seems pretty intelligent and contributes with a vast amount of knowledge. Unfortunately he has got no grasp of volume at all. Will scream across the room with a content smile on his face while embarrassing the people around him. When conversing with The Megaphone you can't decide if he is constantly pulling your leg or just doesn't realize what the hell he is telling you. Does never know when to shut up but magically manages to never piss anyone seriously off.

THE GEEK PROVIDER

The provider tends to be everyone's best friend when they need something from him. Of his various requests, he spends the majority of his time lofting and unlofting bunks, or fixing people's computers. When he is not doing this, the provider is somehow nowhere to be found. For extra fun, combine THE PROVIDER with the FOREIGN SILENT CURVE DESTROYER

MR. ROTC CADET

Often seen traversing campus in fatigues, yet his pack is devoid of water, map, GPS, or other survival gear. Instead, he packs the same Biology 101, Spanish II, and English Rhetoric texts that you do. Known to major in Criminology or Criminal Justice, and may show up to 8 a.m. class in PT gear, not having had time to make it home for a shower and shave after his morning run. Placed by God on Earth to counter the ramblings of Passionate Politico with physical threats (if PP is a male) or ramblings of his own stripping PP of her human/constitutional rights (if PP is a female). Very loyal to his friends and beliefs, Mr. ROTC Cadet is generally a good guy to have as a friend, or at least an amiable acquaintance.

MR. I WORK FULL TIME

This guy uses his job as an excuse not to show up and help with group projects. He will claim that he must work all the time and therefore cannot show up for any of the group meetings. Impossible to get hold of outside of class. Generally a 50/50 shot of doing the work.

MUSIC MAJOR

One of the more rare species outside of Music Classes, Practice Rooms, and University Symphony Concerts. The MM spends 50% of their time practicing, 25% studying hard/semi-useless classes which require an A to get accepted to their low-paying major, 25% at band practices, and 25% with their music Fraternity/Sorority...is that 125%? Doesn't matter; MMs party so much that the high alcohol content in their bloodstream causes them to black out and loose that 25%. Tends to only date other music majors because "Only another MM can understand why they have to practice 3-4 hours a day". Depending on the instrument, music majors are laid back, but complain that they are working SOOO hard to eventually get a salary of <$35K a year but that "I love music SOOO much it doesn't matter". Usually makes fun of the Drama Nerd for not being "Real Musicians" and has enough Classical CD's to fill up Amazon.com.

FACEBOOK ADDICT

The Facebook Addict often makes references to who changed/added what, and who "its complicated" with who. Most of their sentences begin with "omg did u see _______ on his/her wall?" and end with "Tag it!" They check facebook every chance they get, only to get pissed when they dont have a new wall post from when they last checked it 18 seconds ago. They are amazed by those who mini-feed say they have "no recent activity" and how they have such self control. The FACEBOOK ADDICT often joins many groups and is only moments away from becoming the FACEBOOK ZOMBIE.

THE STUDIO ART MAJOR:

The S.A.M. totes around a humongous portfolios (often containing works of art only other S.A.M.'s can appreciate) manages to whack near passersby's and destroy other objects in their path. The studio major whine's about spending all their money on ridiculously expensive studio supplies, yet they have enough for a regular smoke...you know, for the stress. Unfortunately, studio courses are inhumanely time-consuming, so the S.A.M. are almost always held up in the studio labs, yet the degree is absolutely worthless, thus resulting in a downward mental spiraling of the said major students. You could spot them easily by their odd sense of "fashion", consisting of articles such as striped socks, ripped jeans and unsightly hairstyles. The best way to test if an individual is a studio arts major is to ask him/her to help you count, as most can't do math to save their lives.

INTELLECTUAL SUPERHERO

Intellectual Superhero is neither an intellectual nor a superhero, but don’t tell him that! The Intellectual Superhero is easily identified by his complete inability to allow a class period to pass by without asking at least 654 questions designed to show how "witty" and "clever" he is. He will attempt to prove the professor wrong in every class with his inane bullshit, regardless of the fact that the professor has a doctorate in the field. If it’s a science course, the Intellectual Superhero will attempt to solve every problem using an alternate method, which is always incorrect. But don’t worry; he’ll still manage to waste 20 minutes of your life with his insane method of solving the problem. At least you’ll get to laugh at him when the professor proves him wrong.

THE FACE BOOK ZOMBIE

This person comes to class every single time, yet spends 100% of class time on their laptop. They believe that if one comes to class, one will somehow absorb the material telepathically from the professor. They usually are on Face book, Forums (Many are Goons) Some sort of RPG, Solitaire, you name it. The important thing, though, is that they are not paying attention to class at all, Ever. They tend to hover in the back, and have ultra quick minimizing reflexes if a lone TA should wander back there.

THE ETHNIC TREASURE

Comes from a multi-ethnic back ground, and will constantly bring this up. They will write articles in the school paper about how delightfully confused they are about not knowing which ethnic stereotypes to conform to.

THE "GARY"

Usually an unattractive guy who thinks he is a stud and acts like he is hung like a porn star. Thinks he can charm and seduce any woman by lecherously rubbing her back and give back massages while trying to undo her bra. Always touching up girls even if they give the message they are not interested, even in front of their boyfriend. But thats cool, he has a black belt in Karate so will be ready to fight off any pissed boyfriends. Carries a pair of handcuffs with him and loves to put girls through bondage in the pub even if they don't want it.

THEY LIVE AT THE COFFEE SHOP

It might be an on-campus coffee shop or one right near campus, but either way they're there. Always. The group can get quite large, but there's a core of about four people. Usually this core consists of: a fat, annoying girl; a gay guy; a theater major (male or female); and an older guy, either a grad student/limpet or a townie. This core group will invariably occupy the coffee shop's only couch; if there are more than one, they will occupy the best couch. No matter where you are in the coffee shop, you will hear them laughing, shouting, calling one another hot, singing along with the song playing on the stereo ("omigod i luv this song!!"), and erupting into a chorus of "BYEEEE's" whenever one of the group finally decides to leave.

45 YEAR OLD COLLEGE STUDENT WITH 2 KIDS

The 45 Year Old College Student with Two Kids is one of the more interesting persona's found in the college classroom. This subject has returned to school in an attempt to better her life, which is a great endeavor. However, there are a few things about this person that will make you want to punch her in the face by the end of the semester. The 45-year-old college student with two kids must write down every word the professor says. This will cause the class to be peppered with calls of "can you repeat that" approximately every 0.23 seconds. Second, she must ask the most obvious questions, preferably ones the professor has already answered.

THE FLEETING LOVEBIRDS

Comprised mainly of Freshman, these two are fresh out of high school, and are gonna be in love forever. They take all the same classes together, they've got their first apartment together, and they're inseparable. Most of the time, one of the two had the chance to a scholarship at a better school, but turned it down in the name of love. They'll sit together in class, are always the first to volunteer for group work together, and will no doubt be broken up by the end of their first year.

THE NIGHT OWL

Staying up long after you've gone to bed, a Night Owl roommate may periodically awaken you with a laughing fit after reading a Chuck Norris joke on some crappy forum or heating water in the microwave for a 3 AM cup of ramen. May be seen complaining about the lack of places open in town at 1 in the morning on Tuesday night. The Night Owl is also likely to skip morning classes.

THE GUY/GIRL WITH INHUMAN HALO SKILLS

This person doesn't have "mad skills"; Instead, there is no word in the English language that properly describes how good this fucker is with a plasma rifle or pistol. They look rather ordinary, with no unusual physical features, nor obvious personality quirks. But give em' an Xbox, and a copy of Halo, and prepare to have many recurring nightmares of what you're about to see. They quite literally can chuck a grenade at a difficult-to-reach weapon, and the explosion will launch the said weapon straight at em', as if they was pulling it telekineticaly. They knows the location of every item on every map, and knows exactly when that item is gonna respawn.

STUPID UGLY FAT GIRL

Stupid Ugly Fat Girl feels the need to enter into every single class discussion, completely disregarding the fact that she has nothing of substance to add to the conversation. Stupid Ugly Fat Girl cannot construct a sentence without using the words "like" and "um" at least 12 times for every 2 other words. She always wears clothes that are too tight, and seems partial to gaudy rhinestone shirts with incredibly original phrases such as "Princess" strewn across the front of her sagging cow tits. The only way to actually learn something in a class with the Stupid Ugly Fat Girl is to distract her attention with a shiny object.

THE ONE UPPER

This student will make it a point to one-up anything that comes out of anyone’s mouth. You study for a test for 6 hours? He studied for 10. You drank 12 beers? He drank 20. You've broken your arm twice? He's broken his 3 times. The interesting thing to note about the One-Upper is the fact that everything he says is a lie, but he has convinced himself its true.

SMALL TOWN GODDESS

Hails from some microscopic town where she maybe had 5 or 6 classmates in her graduating class, the Small Town Goddess is what is known as HOT. SMOKING HOT, in fact. Like, all-natural, blonde haired and blue-eyed 1973-ish Playboy bunny-like hotness. However, for some reason unknown to science, she somehow did not develop what is commonly known as 'Hot Chick Syndrome' and is, instead, incredibly sweet, good natured and friendly to a fault. This, naturally, causes most members of the opposite sex to be baffled by this seemingly incongruous behavior. Many a man have approached her, yet few can stand to be around her for very long. Why, you ask? The fault lies not with her, oh dear reader! Nay, the fault comes from realizing that she is honestly squeaky clean and you, by comparison, are like some filthy hobo in your soul.

JOHNNY FRAT BOY - or - SALLY SORORITY CHICK

While there’s certainly nothing wrong with being in a Greek organization, some people take their involvement in these groups a little too seriously. These are the people who can’t go 2 consecutive days without wearing their shirts from some drinking party they went to last weekend. Johnny Frat Boy likes to brag about how many beers he slammed down on Tuesday night, while Sally Sorority Chick acts as though she is too immaculate to be tarnished by your presence. In either case you shouldn’t worry about these two personality types too much because they only associate with each other. This brings me to another point: when you see these people outside of class, it is perfectly acceptable to run them over with your motor vehicle of choice.

STUDY NAZI

Study Nazi is in school for one reason: to get good grades. Unfortunately for Study Nazi, he’s not that bright and he struggles with his classes. That doesn’t stop him from letting everyone know how long he studied for that 5 question quiz though. Study Nazi, much like the Intellectual Superhero, will ask questions constantly during class. However, the Intellectual Superhero has some grasp of the material. Study Nazi, while he can quote his books and his notes verbatim, has no idea what any of it means. Under no circumstances should you approach Study Nazi outside of class. Doing so will only remind him that he’s losing valuable time that he could be using in the library and you might get hurt in his frenzied dash to get there as quickly as possible.

THE KARAOKE SUPERSTAR:

Possessing the incredible ability of knowing the lyrics to every song ever written, but unfortunately lacking the talent to flaunt it properly, the Karaoke Superstar molds every moment of their life into that of an American Idol reject. Whether it be wailing along to their favorite Nickelback song at the bar, or belting out Phil Collins in the dorm shower at 8 in the morning, the Karaoke Superstar fails to hit the right notes every time. Those in earshot will reel in horror at the audio assault, exclaiming "Oh my God, a cat fell into the blender!" or "It sounds like someone is scraping a cheese grater across 200 feet of blackboard!" The Karaoke Superstar falls under the category of "completely ignorant," believing their vocal stylings to be those of a professional. Frequently an actual Music major, mentioning their shortcomings will result in a major blow to their ego.

THE LUCKY BASTARD

An amorphous presence, he is in your class just to make you feel crappy. He doesn't try, isn't smart, and may even be a mean SOB to people, yet gets lucky breaks in grades/finding a job/getting a girl. For instance he bombs a test but the professor loses it and acknowledges he took the test and gets the class average, or finds an emotionally unstable girl who clings to him and does anything he wants regardless of how he treats her. He also will get a job because of a crappy reason like him and the recruiter like the same baseball player.

THE BALANCED GUY

They're a fairly sociable bunch with lots of common sense, and they have fairly diversified skills. These guys seldom try to draw attention to themselves but also have a healthy amount of self-esteem (Balanced Guys generally don't attack/insult people in any way unless they feel it's warranted). They're willing to learn a little about everything and can be found in places such as the gym lifting weights, or even in a kitchen working on their cooking skills... or....sometimes in their room masturbating to a wide variety of downloaded porn clips. Who knows what Balanced Guy will do next. They aren't spendthrifts, but they aren't penny pinchers, either. They play both sports and video games. When it comes to discussions of any sort, balanced guy keeps an open mind and generally takes a politically "moderate" stance.

SILENT FOREIGN CURVE DESTROYER

Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer has nothing better to do than study. While the average of the rest of the class is a respectable 45%, Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer has approximately a 1351% in the course, thereby totally destroying any chance you had of passing the class. Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer can be identified by the fact that he will be in the library before you get there and stay far after you've left. He will almost certainly wear the same clothing throughout the entire course, and, while he may be human, it's more likely that he's some kind of magic robot.

THE CELLPHONE TERRORIST

The Cellphone Terrorist has the capability to disrupt classes without even being present. They will leave their belongings in class as they go for a bathroom break when, suddenly, the sound of "My Humps" fills the room. Yes, that's The Cellphone Terrorists new ring tone for this week and it isn't going to stop until they return. Those unfortunate enough to be sitting beside The Cellphone Terrorist will hang their head in shame as piercing gazes are shot directly their way.

Upon return, The Cellphone Terrorist will usually check their missed calls and proceed to call said person back by means of a covert coat-over-the-head technique that they have perfected.

FUCKING DISGUSTING C.S. MAJOR

Fucking Disgusting Computer Science Major is the reason that you don’t want to go to class. He bathes roughly once every leap year and wears the same "totally awesome" Japanese video game (the import version was so much better) shirt for half a semester at a time. No matter how far away you get from him, the stench seems to travel across the room and assault your nostrils. Fucking Disgusting Computer Science Major has no time for the English language, and he will often ask questions that make little to no sense and lack any sort of "grammatical structure." He’s the only character that can actually give Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer a run for his money on the intellectual scale, but that’s only because he was probably born with knowledge of linear algebra and differential equations.

AGENDA ASSAILER

The Agenda Assailer has (surprise!) an agenda to push on everyone else. If you’re in, say, a science class you’ll get to hear about how the scientist who discovered some principle was a racist or misogynist and therefore his scholarly work is somehow meaningless. Even though the rest of the class is just there to learn, the Agenda Assailer will attempt to turn every class into a political debate. Here’s an example from a history class:
quote:
Professor: Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence.
AA: How can you even SAY that?!?!?!?! He owned slaves!!!
Professor: Well, yes. But he still wrote it.
AA: Well then he’s a hypocrite and we should THROW OUT the Declaration of Independence!!!

THE VISIBLE MINORITY

He's the only one in your class, sometimes he makes sure that everyone knows it. Most of the time he's pretty cool tough, you just need to get to know them better. Excels at making you feel bad about random comment you make on his people.

THE ANIME FREAK

Anime Freak is somewhat of a rarity outside of computer science and/or Japanese courses. However, you still might encounter one in some humanities cores. The Anime Freak will always be wearing button down shirts with a dragon or some kind of Dragonball Z character on it. Also, anything with Japanese writing on it is always cool in the eyes of Anime Freak, even if it makes absolutely no sense. Do not approach the Anime Freak outside of class, unless you want to run into a situation like this:
quote:
You: Hey, what’s up?
AF: I think episode 185 of [insert horribly obscure anime show here] is the best because they use the Power of the Light to slay the dragon beast and save the world from total destruction!!!
You: Um… I have to go.

THE ENGINEER

One who is rarely seen without a TI-83 Plus or higher model calculator, and actually knows how to, and does, use all the functions of said calculator. Often makes jokes that one outside of the Engineering spectrum will not understand, or makes really horrible ones, or both. Example: "I'm pretty sure it was a zero-force member..." "that's what she said." Takes many science/math courses that are said to "strongly relate to core Engineering" and "provide a base for higher level courses" but in reality 99% of skills in said classes are rarely used.

MAJOR ELITIST

Major Elitist is generally some type of science or engineering major who looks down on anyone who might even think about getting a humanities or business degree. After all, we all know that the only thing that’s important is science. All that other mamby-pansy bullshit like "History" or "English" or "the world economy" is just a bunch of feel-good rhetorical nonsense anyway. Besides, any jackass can get a liberal arts degree!

NON-CONFORMIST CONFORMIST

The Non-Conformist Conformist is an interesting species. While he tries to "fight the man," he is unable to do so without conforming to another group. The Non-Conformist Conformist can be easily identified by his Rage Against the Machine or Che Guevara t-shirt and dark green corduroy pants. During the winter he will be wearing a military field coat from Germany with a patch on the side, and he often carries a wallet on a chain. You can identify him in the classroom because he’ll feel the need to share with the class his opinions of pop culture. He’ll use a condescending tone of voice because he’s better than little sheep like you. That’s all right though because whether it be the punk, goth, or any other subculture, the Non-Conformist Conformist declares boldly, "I choose to not fit in by fitting in with a DIFFERENT group!"

FASHION MONGER

Fashion Monger is on the bleeding edge of fashion! While having some nice clothes is something everyone should invest in, Fashion Monger’s entire wardrobe has been purchased from stores so hip that you've never even heard of them. Apparently, it’s "hip" and "with it" to pay 500 dollars for jeans that were hand stitched by the hardworking people of Taiwan. And, as we all know, 50 dollars for a silk-screened t-shirt is a completely reasonable price, as long as it was designed by an gay Italian man. Yes, nothing says, "I have too much money and not enough common sense" quite like buying clothes with fancy designer labels that are marked up 1000%

THE SOCIABLE SLACKER

This is the guy who went out of his way to talk to you on the first day. Was really personable, seems like a normal, social person. He even suggested trading phone numbers just in case you needed help. Fast forward to the second week of class - he's not there. Same goes for all the classes until right before the midterm when you get a call. "Hey man, what's up? How's it going? Oh yeah, I missed the last class can I borrow all your notes and photocopy them? Yeah, we should go grab a beer one day." No show again until the final where he calls you up again asking for notes. And that beer? A complete fabrication.

PARADISE LOST

Smart, sheltered kid with a childhood full of religious superstition and intimacy issues. Finally gets into a relationship (aka LAID) and gets suicidal when the breakup comes a few months later. Will either hang himself in the woods or emerge as an improved species. Flip a coin.

CEO JUNIOR III

Born to wealth and privilege and toting an ego the size of Australia, CEO Jr. III will rarely be encountered outside of econ, business and business-related courses (like the lower level computer sciences). Much like the Fashion Monger, CJ3 is fascinated by brand names and drops them wherever possible. However, instead of dropping "real" designer names, he'll brag about the cheap shit he bought from Abercrombie last week. Success is what he's aiming for, and he'll probably get there, but only through his dad’s business connections. Like the Study Nazi, he is not particularly bright, though his particular mode of achieving good grades consists of stroking the professor's ego with appropriate questions and office hours schmoozing. Like the Sociable Slacker he is unfailingly cheerful, but his cheeriness, much like everything else about him, is completely insincere. He is astoundingly successful at getting laid for reasons which are at present unknown to science. It's probably best to avoid crossing him in social circumstances since he can wield his people skills like a weapon.

THE SKIMMER

The skimmer is easy to identify. He always sits in the back of lecture halls and is usually asleep 10 minutes into class. It is not uncommon to hear The Skimmer brag about how much studying he didn't do for that quiz coming up. The Skimmer is not usually found in higher level courses.

THE SCOUT

The Scout is always in lecture before you. Even if you show up five minutes early. The Scout will use his backpack, notebook, textbook, or anything larger than a piece of paper to cordon off the entire front row for his or her friends, who show up five minutes after the class has already started.

THE PHANTOM

A completely unremarkable student in every way, THE PHANTOM shows up for classes, does the work, and... that's it. You will never see THE PHANTOM outside of class - Existing on his sheepishness and fueled by his silence, even if you live next door to THE PHANTOM you'll never hear a word of him, sometimes can be combined with Fucking Disgusting Computer Science Major for a truly wholesome experience.

FORMER MILITARY SERVICEMAN

"Well, when I was in Iraq ..."
And basically media misrepresentation is the cause of virtually everything bad in society these days.

VALLEY GIRL

Women who appear to be made entirely from bronzed plastic, with lips glossy enough to successfully buff the floor of a shopping mall. Don't bother remembering any of their names, as one valley girl is completely indiscernible from the next. Often seen courting Ugly Assholes.

JOHNNY THREE LEGS

Usually an average-looking, somewhat lanky guy, Johnny Three Legs is extraordinary on one respect: his ten inch penis. Flaccid. How do you know? Well, he's the guy that faces towards everyone else in communal showers. In dorms with individual showers, he dries himself off in public areas, and spends just a bit more time naked than other residents, who usually whip on a towel before they even draw the curtains open. Pity his poor roommate, usually a lonely computer science major that is still a virgin, who is kept up awake at nights from the cries of Johnny Three leg's dates - "Ouch! That hurts! Ungggnmph! Oh yeah ... yes ... God ... OUCH! Let's try it another way .... yes ... oh God ... oh Jesus ... OUCH!"

MADDEN JR.

This student's life revolves around sports. He can quote sports scores, character stats, and just about anything from some obscure game last week. Not only did he watch it, he studied it while his classmates were studying for that quiz he failed. He usually arrives in class approximately 10 minutes late wearing his favorite sports team hat and jacket, only to talk about sports for the entire class. Interestingly, the Madden Jr. rarely, if ever, has any athletic ability of his own, and is often obese due to a diet consisting entirely of nachos.

THE PREMED

The pre-med has a 4.0 cumulative GPA and has junior standing even though he's a first semester sophomore. He's got a >90 average in every class this semester, but is absolutely terrified that he's going to fail them all. Can often be heard making wild assumptions about grading schemes and arguing with the TA over 0.25 point deductions on exams.

BRING ME UP, KNOCK ME DOWN

He is always there to help. Whatever jam you have yourself in, he will, with ease, find a way to pull you out. However, he will do so with so much reluctance, he makes it sound as though Sisyphus (look it up) had an easy go of things. He will passive aggressively start conversations about what a drag it is being the designated driver, only days after he drove your drunk ass home.

He is the infinite conundrum of friendship. He is always there for you. Unfortunately he is always there.

BABBLING IDIOT

This kid is sort of like intellectual superhero except that he's not really out to prove a point through questions, but rather through his personal experiences. He is in class to spill as many anecdotes as he can possibly think of, which, for the most part, only relate to the subject at hand tangentially. His diatribes are voiced in an overly sincere tone, which I'm sure he believes makes his stories sound more real, true to life, and hard hitting. Amazingly, his stories always tend to agree with the professor's point of view.

THE WANNA BE COMPUTER GEEK

They can be found in groups often discussing old internet fads while downloading songs and files from P2P networks. Often annoying to the people around them. Will shout out "LOL INTERNETS" at random times and you can hear some old techno songs in the background.

THE COMMENTER

Tends to occupy the center of the room for maximum visibility. Always nods along with the professor. Provides his/her own commentary, largely to herself, during lecture while jotting down notes. Most commonly uttered phrases are variations of: "Oh yeah", "Exactly", "Well, that's interesting".

Example:
Prof.: DNA is blueprint for life.
Comm.: [Nod] [Nod] Uh-huh. Well, ain't that something

VACATION GUY

This guy didn't want to go to college in the first place, but did because he didn't want to disappoint his parents and teachers by not trying. So he picked a party school, never went to class, and treated the whole thing as a $40,000, year long, spring break away from shitty middle class suburbia. Then disappeared to a distant part of the country never to be heard from again.

THE BLONDE ASIAN TAMER

Female in a science degree who probably shouldn't be. However, due to chemicals she emits from her hair, holds sway over Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer or other male Asian students who do her beck and call. Part hive mind, part parasite. Identify by remarks like "This stuff is so hard, Haji, you're so smart" or "What did you get for number 1?". Usually a sub-species of Sally Sorority Chick

The PASSIONATE POLITICO

Whatever wing of the political bird he resides within he'll be damned sure to inject his angry rhetoric and sound bites into any classroom conversation regardless of topic. Often twitchy you can spot an outburst before it happens by looking for a grimaced mouth, spasming eye, tapping foot or softly pounding fist (because he thinks no one will notice), then out comes the insanity.

MR. UNCERTAINTY

Mr. Uncertainty isn't really that bad a guy to have class with, as he's virtually guaranteed never to disrupt the class proceedings. Even when the teacher asks him a question directly, he'll attempt to deflect it through a magical combination of stuttering, fumbling, and vague sentences that trail off in the middle. He probably doesn't take very good notes, but he's there every day in hopes of making up for the fact. He probably has at least two majors and a third concentration that he's considering, but it's all perpetually up in the air since he doesn't really know what he wants to do. Because of this, you'll almost never see him in an advanced-level class, since he's always going back and satisfying the core requirements for a different major.

PROFESSOR CORRECTOR

This student loves to volunteer class time to correct the professors' menial mistakes. Did he say 90% instead of 85%? Was he off an important date by a year? The Corrector will grab this opportunity immediately. Does the textbook back up the professor? Well that's wrong too! The whole world is filled with misinformation, and only this noble lad can spend 20 minutes setting the professor straight as everyone silently whispers "I HATE YOU." They may be a student, but they already years ahead of the class.

OBNOXIOUS CAR DRIVER

Pulling out of the parking deck at the speed limit while letting pedestrians cross will not fly while the OCD is around. Loud tire screeching, revving, horn honking, and blasted music must be accompanied at even the slowest street. They will outrace and outmaneuver vans in 20 mph zones. They will rev their engine to make sure they reach the stop sign 20 feet away fast enough. Their car is modified to maximize every scrape, screech and scratch to its highest volumes. If it's not unnecessarily loud, they are not driving.

DRAMA NERD

Often found roaming (or more often loafing) in packs of 4 to 7, the drama nerd is best known for not shutting the fuck up ever and oh god i mean ever regarding new musicals, old musicals, how non-theater majors are intellectually devoid of any redeeming quality, who got cast where, etc. The drama nerd is mostly self-delusional, and if one is to ask it about it's past, the response often involves "well you know I just had the WORST time in high school i mean nobody understood me there but when I got to college I just felt like a BUTTERFLY, able to finally open my creative WINGS" and other such inane metaphors. The Drama nerd does, somehow, get laid all the goddamn time, but only by other Drama nerds, resulting in chain-reaction mega-drama-bombs that will certainly resonate throughout the school because these losers will not shut up about how Johnny Actor face "TOTALLY USED ME" at high volumes in the library during finals week. Somehow possessing both the largest and smallest reserve of self-confidence of any college student simultaneously, ladies and gentlemen: the Drama Nerd.

THE CONVERSATIONALIST

You'll find this one at the back of the class, and they tend to travel in herds. She spends all semester having conversations with the people around her, that have absolutely nothing to do with the class, usually pertaining to her boyfriend, a movie she just saw, or a party she was at/plans to attend. Completely ignorant of the people around her who are actually trying to pay attention to the lecture in a typically difficult subject. Another common trait of The Conversationalist is her apparent lack of any sort of school supplies (including pens, pencils, paper, and the freaking textbook) Sociologists have theorized that this is a subconscious ploy designed to draw more people into The Conversationalist's tangled web of distraction.

THE FACULTY MEMBER

This is a student who has become very involved and uses his major as a replacement for a social life. He may, or may not work in the department office, but you'll see him wandering around the office anyway, chatting up the actual faculty. Maybe having lunch in the waiting area. He's only annoying when you actually have a class with him and he takes on the role of a teaching assistant.

THE JACKASS OF ALL TRADES

This man is seemingly adept in all subjects, and will boast about it too. Hear him complain about how easy his last Abstract Algebra exam was, how he wrote his African paper two hours before its due and how little he prepared for his sociology presentation. His weakness is poor social skills. Ask about his girlfriend for massive emotional baggage!

PHILOSOPHER STONER

Easily identifiable by his red eyes, incoherent speech, and the lingering stench of marijuana, the philosopher stoner may or may not be a member of NORML, and probably won't go to class very often. On the off chance that he actually attends a class, god forbid the professor mention anything related to drugs, because suddenly the philosopher stoner will turn into a walking, talking version of erowid.com.

I'M TOO IMPORTANT TO BE HERE GIRL

This girl is much too busy to do something as menial as class. She's in a sorority, she's in the student senate and she's got a boyfriend on the lacrosse team. She treats class like it's a bother- much like a PTA meeting. During the entire class period, her blistered thumbs are hammering at the tiny keys on her super expensive new cell phone that Daddy's bought her three times because she keeps wearing it out. Whenever the professor asks her to stop her hammering, her face curls up worse than Reese Witherspoon's after eating out an asshole.

DEER IN HEADLIGHT CHICK

Normally, she's quiet. She's so quiet she'll duck down when the professor looks to ask questions. The second she's called on to give a speech, her entire body tenses up. Very rarely will a word escape her mouth that's not "Uhhh" or "Like". She's known for freezing up for periods of greater than one minute during in-class presentations, much to everyone else's amusement.

THE SNIPER

This is the kid, usually a male, who sits in the back of the class and will constantly spout out smart ass remarks at the professor in an attempt to act like he really doesn't really care for the class and thinks he is super cool cause he can be so disrespectful in class. But this guy is important cause when the class starts dragging and getting boring, he can usually lighten the mood. Annoying and funny at the same time.

THE REDNECK

The redneck managed to get into the college because he went to a backwoods school composed entirely of trailers in a swamp, where 4.0 gpa's are a dime a dozen, and anyone can pass the classes practically by attending. Unfortunately, he is probably going to fail multiple classes in a semester and drop out soon. Unattractive, disgusting hygiene, has a taste for inferior websites, loves to hunt, sometimes wears camouflage to class, attends every athletic event, and likes to "Git-R-Dun" occasionally. Nothing more than a friendly nuisance on his own, he is a very dangerous animal in the company of others exactly the same.

I STUDIED ABROAD AND IT CHANGED MY LIFE

This person has spent anywhere from 3-12 months in a country that isn't too different from our own, but it's sooo much better. It's so cultured and you can drink without having the draconian American laws over your back. Most of this student's stories involve getting drunk and hooking up with a creepy older gentleman or passing out on the couch interspersed with some sightseeing. But it changed her life, like OMG i totally know how people in other countries live and I'll keep talking and talking and talking about it.

QUIET SMART SLACKER

Normally found in one of the back rows but not the very back as he is trying to blend in. Doesn't say much in class, only being social when he has to or with people he knows outside of class. Won't disrupt class but if called on will answer correctly. Pays attention, but doesn't always do work, or work hard. Shows up to class 80% of the time, but does 40% of the outside work/study time. Graduates in 5-6 years with a 3.0 but only because of intelligence and test scores, not effort (as shown in number of years taken to graduate).

THE ANNOYING CLONE

This is a person you meet in the class that you share the same interests and hobbies. At first you enjoy talking and hanging out with them, but then all they do is constantly talk about the same interests and never want to talk about anything else, and every day they want to hang out after class and do something related to the point it drives you insane. In the end you end up hating both the person, and what you enjoyed.

THE CONVERTER

This guy or gal is a shining beacon of their Religion, and will attempt to bring it to light every chance they get, and attempt to get you to believe in whatever it is they believe. Anytime your classes mention faith, she is the first to preach to the entire class, and say that her deity is what everyone needs to follow

THE HERETIC

Exact opposite of The Converter, this person hates all forms of Religion and despises God. Used to be devoted to a faith, but lost his or her faith through some event in the past, such as a major physical/psychological trauma. This person loves to quote John Milton, and argue with others who believe in God.

THE COMPUTER DUMMY

Cannot use a computer or any technology to save their life. This person will rely on you to help them type up reports, assignments, or use excel/power point/access for projects. Will also become dazzled if they see you playing any kind of video game or watching a DVD in your dorm, and will want to learn more about it.

THE LOVE-HATER:

The guy/girl who's too cool for romance, and has to insult every couple that passes their way. Whether staring, snickering, or outright making an idiotic comment, the love-hater somehow tries to be "different" by not looking for an opportunity to pass on their genes. Needless to say, these types are usually at home practicing their five-knuckle shuffle.

THE "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT" NINJA:

These people are ninjas in disguise, often lurking amongst the normal people. They seem nice at first, but when they come to the part of the discussion of majors, the inevitable question of "What are you going to do with that?" comes up. Usually in a patronizing tone, they also carry shiruken... too bad that the weapons are so far up their a$$es that they can't utilize them.

THE WANNA-BE JOCK:

The chubby idiot in the back of the classes, busy bragging about the amazing three pointer he pulled in a game with the boys. However, if studied in its natural habitat, the Wanna-be Jock can be seen getting the only sports exposure from a video game console. NOTE: If encountering one of these during its ritualistic video gaming, beware of celebrations. They often involve screaming and waving when they get an extra point on Madden NFL.

THE YING-YANGER:

Found in most of the female population in college settings, the Ying-Yangers are those who, if approached by someone athletic, will swoon and bend to their every whim. However, if approached by someone of the least bit imperfection, the Ying-Yanger will sneer in disgust... if providing a reaction at all.

THE THREAT:

Black trench coat. Few words. Odd knowledge about weapons. And somehow, he always seems to sit next to you in class.

THE APATHETIC GENIUS

The apathetic genius is the pinnacle of wasted potential. He shows up to most of his classes, and is minorly sociable. He is involved in class discussions but will never write a single page of notes, never does any extra credit or optional assignments, and never even reads the textbook or studies. Despite this he will consistently get A's and B's in every class he takes, all while exerting no apparent effort. This person probably has the ability to cure cancer some day, but years of being unchallenged and socially shunned will lead him to drop out after his first or second year.

THE DUDE WHO KNOWS FUCKING EVERYONE

Everywhere you go, this guy knows somebody he has to high five and chat with for a little bit. He probably grew up in the area, has an outgoing personality, and is involved in a wide variety of activities that breach many social circles. Generally liked, although he may be too outgoing for some people. Generally doesn't have a lot of close friends, but makes up for it in sheer volume. This is the guy to talk to if you're interested in a new hobby, want to join a club, or just want to meet new people. May do incredibly outrageous things to get even more attention.

THE R.A.

The R.A. lives to fuck up your social life. Lurking behind every dark shadow; The R.A. springs to action and stomps out any signs of fun, ranging from a friendly game of Bingo to a raging smorgasbord orgy. This guy, often hated by many feels because he is getting free housing owes it to his said college to annoy all with his passive –aggressive confrontational vendetta against all on campus students. All that is missing is a whistle, and a safety badge. Often useless, The R.A. does come in handy when the PHILOSOPHER STONER, JOHNNY FRAT BOY - or - SALLY SORORITY CHICK locks themselves out at 4am.

JUST DOING THIS FOR THE FREE HOUSING R.A.

This RA just says hi and bye to residents. Decorates the bulletin board and complete the minimal number of required programs. This R.A. is cool as shit, but makes it clear they are only here for the free housing.

MAN-HATING FEMINIST

Usually found in Women's Studies or English classes. They find enjoyment in discussing how the standard of beauty is too high and how the opposite sex has taken over the world. They also tend to wear clothing that shows off cleavage in order to show that they are comfortable with their bodies. They tend to be loud in class discussions and easily annoyed by male classmates. Almost every conversation turns into a discussion of how men are degrading women.

I-PLACED-INTO-HIGHER-LEVEL-CLASSES-YOU

-SHOULD-THINK-I'M-THE-SHIT-CAUSE-I-DO!

This individual is a Freshman, who managed to get placed into upper level courses. Because of this, he will establish a heightened feeling of self-worth, and will consider himself to be a worthy equal to the majors in said department. Will bring up the fact that they are a FRESHMAN at every opportunity, and will become confounded when the upperclassmen in the same major aren't fawning over him or trying to suck his cock out of amazement at how awesome he must be, because he's taking upper level classes, but he's merely a FRESHMAN. If it is a language course, they will try to chat in that language, regardless of the fact that you won't understand what-the-fuck. Not because they're better than you, but in their pretentious righteousness, they don't realize they completely suck at it.

THE SILENT, STRAIGHT-LACED GEM

This girl is rather shy, quite studious, probably pretty conservative, and usually somewhat attractive in a sort of clean, traditional, classic way. Sometimes, her quietness or straight face may be misinterpreted as indifference or the "get away from me" look, but once you get to know her, she is actually quite nice and makes a decent friend. She doesn't drink or smoke - not because she's a "goody two-shoes", but because she genuinely has no desire to. Gets along with most people, has a decent social circle, but holds just a few close friends. May need a little push to get involved in activities. Makes a reliable friend. Is a hard worker, but can enjoy having fun too.

THE SKATER

Usually listens to "emo" music and wears nothing but skate brands, sagging jeans with a belt and t-shirt (sometimes a hoodie and a beanie). The skater is rarely seen without skateboard in hand. He is not particularly bright, nor does he say much. These types when not skateboarding through campus by themselves travel in packs.

THE WANNABE

This type pretends to know everything about a few subjects and will attempt to impress you with their extensive knowledge on said subject. Often times someone who actually knows what they are talking about will correct the wannabe, however the wannabe will argue his or her side until someone presents them with hard evidence that they were actually wrong. The wannabe will change their personality according to who they are with. No one knows what the wannabe is actually like because he/she is always changing.

THE INDIE KID

The indie kid is the guy/girl who wears nothing but vintage cloths purchase from thrift stores and listens to music by bands that nobody has ever heard of. Indie kids stick together, always involved in some sort of "intellectual" conversation about a worldly event (past or present) that everybody is not talking about. Often times the indie kid will go out of his or her way to mention something obscure to give themselves "indie cred".

THE EDUCATION MAJOR

As a freshman, the education major parties excessively, because he or she knows in subsequent years, they won't be able to have any more late nights out due to having to go to field experience at a local school. The education major finds themselves wishing they could sign up for an 8 AM class because it feels like sleeping in when he or she compares it to waking up for field or student teaching at 5:30 in the morning.

HUSBAND/BRIDE TO BE

Usually a freshman who is currently engaged. You often ask yourself how long will it last?, Why will anyone mary him/her?, when will he/she know that it may have been a bit too early?(After the divorce of course :D). Often talks about how he/she will be married soon, and relates alot of the projects he/she has done to marriage. Will need a therapist in the future if it all goes wrong.

THE HIGH-SCHOOLER

Typically a girl and a Freshman. Spends most of her time stereotyping hallmates, classmates, and other acquaintances based on what cliques they would have belonged to in her high school. Her favorite hobby is badmouthing these people because 'in HIGH SCHOOL' she would never have associated with them. She also enjoys critiquing and complaining about every aspect of college which is 'different' from her high school experience.

I'M RIGHT, YOU'RE WRONG

This person has a very strong opinion about EVERYTHING and will force it down the throat of EVERY PERSON that opposes them. This is made intolerable by the fact that the "i'm right you're wrong’s" opinions aren't backed up very well or are announced in a very ridiculous and obnoxious manner. This people abuse terms like "liberal, democrat, hippie, freak, tree hugger, terrorist, right-wing, extremist, etc." Very often the opinion is somewhat one sided

THE I CAN QUITTER

This person, smokes, drinks, has other bad habits and can quit whenever they want. When asked to quit they always respond I would but i don't wanna.

THE CHOIR NERD

A mixture of the music major and the american idol reject, this person you can hear down the hall singing La vie Boheme off key and way out of their register. These poor souls actually believe that their major is going to be lucrative one day and let them have something to boast about at their 10 year reunion. They tend to visit their old high school choir and still wear their old letterman that has all the patches from solo and ensemble contests since freshman year. They generally rank themselves as more accepting than the drama nerds but in the end will only talk to each other because "they understand each other."

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU? KID

This kid will confuse the HELL out of you from day to day. One day, she's THE ANSWERING MACHINE, next the QUIET SMART SLACKER. She used to be a MUSIC MAJOR, but she randomly changes to a hard science major. She will always be to class early (THE SCOUT) unless she was THE NIGHT OWL the night before. Wears totally amazing clothes, or something so lame you wouldn't wear to sleep in. Hates the conformity of society with a passion (NON-CONFORMIST CONFORMIST), but can be seen with many different groups, more often with the ANIME FREAKS. You often can't recognize them at parties or class because of complete transformations. Good luck trying to contact her, because her spontaneity with throw you for a loop and you will never be able to find her.

JUST HAPPY TO BE AWAY FROM HER DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY FOR A SEMESTER GIRL

Jhtbafhdffasg is usually the happiest person on campus. she doesn't take parties for granted. if there are five parties going on simultaneously, she's somehow having the time of her life at all five. she won't disrupt class with any senseless questions, although it may take some time to get used to her everlasting smile. she makes an awesome friend, always optimistic until winter break rolls around and you have to drag her out of her dorm kicking and screaming.

MR. TOUCHY-FEELY

Usually male, and often a variant of the creepy stalker, likes to keep a hand on you at all times, especially if you are romantically involved. Hasn't yet decided if he's gay, but definitely hasn't proven his straightness, either.

"JUST ONE OF THE GUYS" GIRL-

She is always hanging out with the guys and may not have a lot of female friends to hang with on a day to day basis. Tries her hardest to fit in with the boys by playing video games, burping, commenting about the "hott" girls (and why they aren't good enough), takes part in random mischief etc. She is always there to give relationship advice, is usually friends with all of the guys girlfr

THE CHEATER

This guy never studies for tests; he cheated his way through high school and knows every trick in the book. Instead of studying he spends his time trying to figure out how to steal the answers from the professor or storing formulas in his TI83. Every test grade is either an A (if the got the answers)or D or F (if they didn't). This will eventually lead to a final grade of a C.

Taken from http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2223241470

Testimonial

2007-04-29T04:48:00.000+05:00

I remember the day we had "Karaoke Night"
when I followed the trail of this magical voice
coming from a corner in activity center
I decided to befriend him, never thought twice
Then there was this marketing class
where he cracked corny jokes
and the teacher kicked MY ass
it was great fun anyway
A memory that's bound to stay
And then came psychology
and along with it tons of tafree
the so-called combined studies in strife
where we discussed the philosophy of life
We chatted for long and put studies aside
though not without reference to that sick old man called Freud*
My friend knows all the tricks and trades
and uses his celebrity status to get good grades
We get along so nicely and think so much alike
If we were lost brothers, it wouldn't really strike
The only difference is that people think he's gay
so to satisfy that part of him, I'd have to say
Here I am Tahir, let me speak
I love you bitch...every day of the week**

*Freud is pronounced "Fried".

**Well, I had to rhyme it!

Forgotten Reflections

2007-04-10T21:45:00.000+05:00

I forget faces and names now. Something has changed. Sometimes I see my old friends from school. They look happy with the same old red Ninja Turtles lunch boxes and neat uniforms. And there still are days when I take some time out to recollect all those memories. I try to recall all of them with their full names and re-create events that never happened. They must’ve changed as well now…they must’ve grown up too.

Other times I see reflections of objects and people that aren’t really there. It happens when you have to hear an old, fat, boring professor talk about International Relations for a while. And I turn around and see a fat girl; lost in her own little world, and then noticing me through her peripheral vision with those wide brown eyes. I smile and look towards the teacher again, knowing that I’ll forget that face in a while, very unlike me…reflections can be so deceptive.

Sometimes it’s best to let go. Reflections, no matter how attractive they are, are after all, reflections, all depending on interpretations and perceptions (and a few more “shuns”). And if they’re authentic, you can’t touch them anyway. Try connecting your fingers in the mirror...so near and yet so far.

Sometimes it’s just best to forget and move on. Sometimes it’s best to forget faces and names, to forget what you put your lifeblood into, how and where you met someone and how it made you feel. You can’t stop in the middle of the road and block all traffic. The light is orange, its time to get a move on, or risk being forgotten.

You blink and the world makes you pay.

Ghosts

2007-04-07T22:55:00.000+05:00

The pink curtain haunted the room. There was just one, and it was pulled to the middle of the window. The night looked welcoming from only the two thin slits for moonlight that rotated in that silent breathing room, hypnotizing her, hypnotizing even itself.
She knew she was dreaming of the house again. May be she was awake like the last time it happened- In the middle of the park where her grandchildren liked to play. May be she was on the bus to her son's house. May be she had finally died and this was the last memory that chose to perform a final merciful act to keep the angel from her body. For a few minutes more of a long, long life.

The stillness inside the movement was infinitely deep and silent. She was sitting with her friend, on the edge of a river that did not flow, filling erosions that did not crumble when touched. There was no time in this place. Only peace and the soft scent of cologne wearing out from old clothes. There was permanence and a bland but complete happiness because it came from yesterdays she had forgotten. Without memory there are left only the stale emotions we might have felt. But they grow old- older than us, because there is no face, no reality, or dream to connect them to. They are feelings that circle in the voids of ancient minds, making wrinkled mouths smile some times when we think they are growing too old. When we think it is madness, it is only the trickle of memory into the famine of a tall, towering, intimidating present. It is the past that haunts us best. It is the past that knows us best. And when that old friend begins to betray us, then there is hopeless feeling trapped in a body whose soul left it. This is familiar, because this is how all love stories end.

She was there now, in the room with the pink curtain, but deeper than that. Deeper within herself and him, in the moonlight hypnotizing them both. The pebbles inside the river's water glistened and she could steadily feel her heart beat as the sun twisted its fingers to slip over the wet rocks. Deep inside the water and the sun, there must be a time like this, she thought. Where hearts beat louder than words. Where time is simply irrelevant. She did not want this to end. She would never be able to bear it, if it were to end now and bring with it another damn beginning.

She surfaced from the sun, the water and him. She was breathing as she was crying into the arms of a man whose face too, she had forgotten. Yet this was the only memory that stayed. This was the only noise that drowned out the silence of coffins and hospitals. Her hands clawing at his hands as he grabbed them. And a beautiful voice that said to her many times that night, "I have you. I have you. I have you."

Amal

I'm going home

2007-03-24T05:59:00.000+05:00

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, remains true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old.
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

Chris Daughtry - I'm going home

I'm back!!

2007-03-19T18:04:00.000+05:00

The ban has been lifted. And somehow my other blog got deleted...back to the blogger! Oh and comments are enabled now...if that makes any difference :p

I'm not here

2006-08-01T02:54:00.000+05:00

I'm now blogging on http://random-story.blog.com due to the blogspot ban in Pakistan.

At home we'll stay

2006-03-06T11:40:00.000+05:00

We probably won't be going to GIKI this year. The seniors will go. And somehow I always knew it. They deserve it too. They have the credentials and the reputation. They have performed there before and have earned respect. Its their last year in college anyway. What have we done?? Just a skit? Sure we surprised everybody but we can't just compete against the giants. One of them has been doing stage/theatre for years now. And others have been performing for different TV/radio channels. And what if I was in their place? Wouldn't I expect the college to prefer me and my team over the rest? Especially taking the fact into consideration that this will be the last time for them? Surely we were wrong to expect anything. Still, all is not lost. We'll still be performing at IBA, Bahria and TIP. Since the seniors will go regardless of what we think or say, why not take it with good heart and wish them all the best. We're in the same college and will benefit from their success in the future. So seniors, good luck...and GIK....we'll see you next year ;)

I love this girl

2006-02-03T01:11:00.000+05:00

The wind spoke without shame and the earth listened with every pore open. In tiny vessels of noise carved up like pockets in the air, the dust heaved with unhid clamour and splattered into black barks of trees. Leaves that were friendly then were angry now. Rain splashed hard on glass. On glass windows and hollow glass people. Mutilated shapes of pigeons and spiders were formed and reformed, and punished with another wet beating when the water dripped desperately down the wind shield, to the safety of a crack or a corner to hide. War cries drove more violence into the savagery of nature. Human was the only animal foolish enough to stand outside, like a weak, stupid challenge to a very angry Goddess. The roads bared every wrinkle in their surfaces, like poor men who finally had their chance to dance with the people who walked all over them. The sky watched vulgarly as bits of the world crumbled and fell in wet, writhing soil. The music rose to become static, in the thrill of speed, in a different kind of radio.

I stood at the door, and the journey had been long. I had travelled beyond distance. It was not fair to take me away again. But the wetness held my wrists and pulled. I became the idiot standing in the rain. There in the lethal sparkles of a deceptive sky, every bone hurt with a blunt kind of pain, and I let it splash all over me.

I have returned to my ultimate and my only consolation. I have been stronger before, but never more comforted. I have resigned to myself. I repent but not wholly. I am awake but not completely. The thoughts run in me like an anesthesia that numbs but weakly, and pounce in my throat when I am laughing. I am aware that I have a lot to do, a lot to change. I have to change the world. I have to dream the petty desires into a cooking pot and conveniently forget them so they burn. I cannot handle the Small. The Small is always so much harder to understand. I am so much harder to comprehend when I am feeling small. I must always be bigger than the things that happen to me. That means learning to forgive, to forget names, to still sit down and laugh with people I cannot face. That means to receive with grace the ironies of life, and take a life time at a time, not a day. That means to become a wall that no one can see through. That means to strike vulnerability in its lair- in my voice. I am not sitting, I am standing, but I am in the wrong place and the ground is where the sky should be. I am buried under the fear of growing older because it means acting older, and it takes away all my excuses. I am used to taking care of people, and I am not used to be taken care of. I am not taken care of, because I know everything. I am allowed to be free of this, because I can lie. I dont want to tell anybody what I want. This is the first time that I am writing things that people who read can understand and relate to. I dont like being related to. To be like other people is my greatest fear. It offends me. But I am like everybody. I have been good and i have been bad, and I have had my share of cliches. I have them everyday. I stand in the rain like every body, and I cry and feel stupid later. I tell myself I am above things I am not always above. I still will. I always will. Other times, I will put my mind on public display on blogspot.com. I like that people read what I write. Thank you for listening, whether or not you give a damn.

Outside in the hallway people are singing "Captain Vagina, he's a hero..." to the tune of captain planet. I go to Smith College. We have different heroes here.

Amal's blog

Law

2006-01-22T02:00:00.000+05:00

The new semester has started a bit too soon for my liking. But I guess I don't have a choice :(. This time I've taken Business Law from the 7th semester. The first class was quite ok...in fact it was fun. Getting to know about the conditions that you need to satisfy to stand in a court of law as a witness were funny enough. You can be a witness if you:

Don't eat while walking
Have never missed a prayer, including tahajjud.

There were a few more weird points that I can't recall right now. But anyway, I thought...why not catch up on EVEN more ridiculously crazy facts & laws...you probably won't find them in Mercantile Law.

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female.. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but
is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He
may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than "going blind!")

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside
and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex
for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden
for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the
world that even comes close to this?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous
husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on
the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in
tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the
first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the
act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a
woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with
one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only
"in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the
premises."

(Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for this stuff?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own
weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of...?)

(Did the govt. pay for this research??)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Ah, geez. My life is complete, I can die now)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And, the best for last.....

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(Do you think they have bad breath?)

Get this

2006-01-21T04:26:00.000+05:00

Hey! Look what I found!! :D...the audio stories that we used to listen to when were like 5 years old...omg I laughed my ass off today after listening to podna podni hahaha...I'm not stoned.

http://www.muziqpakistan.com/songs.php?auth=79

Horoscopes by Adam Sandler

2006-01-21T01:57:00.000+05:00

Horoscopes by Adam Sandler

Aquarius (Jan 23-Feb 22)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23- Mar 22)
You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and
are a general dipshit.

Taurus (April 23- May 22)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.

Gemini (May 23- June 22)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23- July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23- Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23- Dec 22)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 23- Jan 22)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

Summer of '95

2005-12-16T23:05:00.000+05:00

BOOM! BANG!!! CRASH!!...the sounds I hear during my nap and are obviously disturbing. I search for the source. Where are they coming from? From the inside??...Oh please no! I search a bit more. Yes they’re coming from the inside but yet the source remains outside. Oh now I get it! Someone’s beating the hell out of me! I wake up (duh!). It’s the principal’s son. The tall dark guy dressed like some mulla…oh wait a minute…HE IS A FUCKING MULLA!!. He’s landing punches all over my body. I almost threw up…had lunch a while ago. During all this time I could hardly comprehend the situation. I didn’t really know what was going on but whatever it was, it didn’t feel good. All I could feel were his fists and him saying something like “BLAHBLAHBLAH!!”. He shoved me to the corner of the room. Everybody was suddenly up. I was all battered, standing at the corner, shocked like anything and oh…I was crying. He pushed and shoved…I was down again on the floor in no time. The mullas outside the room suddenly saw me and were surprised to see the face of the victim. They knew I was the best they had in Science, English and all. They knew I was the one who taught them their own subjects. They knew they couldn’t mess with me. But this guy was the principal’s son. I got up on my feet and walked towards the kitchen where I washed my face and hands with soap…oh wait!...WE HAD NO FUCKING SOAP ON THE PREMESIS! They said “kalma parh ker haath dho sab saaf hojaey ga”. So I wash my face the holy way and regain my senses. I hear someone say “ye sonay ke time baatein ker raha tha is liay pita hai”. I thought, WTF!!?!. True, my brothers walk and talk during sleep. They fart and jump and dance but not me. I wake up in almost the same position every morning…or afternoon. Obviously that son of a…..THE…..principal didn’t know that. All he knew was that his fucking extremist maulvi ears could never be wrong.

What is this place?? Welcome to Al-Khair School. They had things like A-Levels, O-Levels written on their main gates but all I did there for 6 months was read the Quran everyday from 8 am to 5 pm with a few hundred boys as the mullas kept beating the hell out of us from time to time. We had a rough carpet to sit on and were not allowed to rest our bums on it. There was a specific position we had to be in all day. They called it “seedha ho ker baithna”. The left foot takes the weight of your right butt cheek, which makes the other one “float” in the air automatically. The other leg curls up and the thigh touches your chest which rests on it. Wish I could explain more clearly. We had to keep moving back and forth while reciting the Holy book. At 2 pm we got our only break which was for the afternoon prayers, lunch and a little nap. And at 3, we’re up again…reading the same lines again and again until its 5 pm. This was the summer of 95…definitely not the best days of my life. I don’t understand why these fucking extremist retarded ass mullas are allowed to run such institutes in bugalows where they ruin innocent lives and churn out still more extremists. They all need serious counseling.

Those 6 months made a major impact on the course of future events. I was never a bad student at NHS. Mostly in the top 5. Don’t know why my dad thought I would like to become a hafiz and leave everything else. This came out of nowhere. My life was shattered. I had to leave all my friends for that fucked up madrassa. They didn’t teach me one word of science, math or any other subject for that matter. We studied some Arabic and crammed a LOT of Arabic. They did hire a few teachers for Science, Maths and English but they were pathetic as expected. I was 10 years old at that time. I helped them teach the other poor kids. OK! I’m being modest. I had memorized the 30^th “sipara”. But that was about it. They never let me go beyond that point. Because they kept changing our mulla teacher who made me start from scratch every time. It was sickening. I was called “kafir” just because I used a spoon & fork to eat my spaghetti. “HAATH SE KHAA!” was the order. I was lucky to be beaten up by the principal’s son because there was another poor retard in my so called class who wasn’t very bright. And apparently the 500 pound principal literally jumped on him several times because he didn’t memorize his “sabaq”. That beating by the princpy’s son saved me from further torture. My dad realized his mistake and I made my (famous) comeback to NHS. Where it dawned upon me that I had my half-yearlies in less than a month’s time. Staying out of practice for so long had its consequences. I hardly could understand anything in the Math class and was never able to make a full recovery after missing the first 6 months. The results never really improved. I wanted to be a fighter pilot. But that was never going to happen with my basics in math extremely weak. I lost all my confidence. It took me years to regain my balance. But my dream was still shattered. I was never again good enough at math to become a fighter pilot. I flunked and flunked and flunked math….year after year. Going to the next class just because of my impressive scores in other subjects. I flunked my first and second year math papers in intermediate. It cost me almost 2 years of my academic life. I decided to kiss engineering goodbye and that’s how ended up in CBM & guess what, I flunked College Algebra in the first semester...the horror continues. This is how I ended up hating mullas and ninjas. Call me kafir or whatever…I don’t give a rat’s ass.

Kamal ker dia kamal kerdia!!...dhoti phaar ker roomal kerdia!! :D

2005-12-04T18:13:00.001+05:00

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topic: topi !

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Faaz manage	topi ! 11/30/2005 6:25 AM ok first of all i dont hav this intention to offend him,, the question is y doesnt sumair takes of his cap ??	delete
- \|BLacKh3aRT\| - manage	12/2/2005 5:41 AM yo dont disrespect da cap.........its sacred hahaha yaar it keeps everythin of his inside his head..................... dude its da signature...........wo sedhi topi main ulti topi or baki topi he topi hahahhahahaha	delete
Athar manage	12/2/2005 7:00 AM I wonder why Somair himself hasn't spoken out	delete
Zubair manage	bhai log 12/2/2005 9:18 AM sumair ke topi main eik raaz hia jo agar usnay utar diii to woo raaz nahn rahay ga ,,but woo kya raaz hai sumair tumhee bata doo abb :P	delete
Somair manage	hey 12/2/2005 10:16 AM hmmm.. first of all... faaz my boy... who in the world are u ..advise!! stop checking out guys in college!! and secondly zubair my boy..topi may raaz nahee "baaz" hay jo ager topi utaari to urr kar seedha aisi jaga ghussay ga jahan khuja bhee nahee saktay	delete
Faaz manage	12/2/2005 10:46 AM oho lagta hai uss baaz ko bura lag gaya. kahir u said it urself u keep ur baaz on ur head . huh ? ! hai sumair no h felng	delete
Somair manage	12/2/2005 11:08 AM hmm dude jis din baaz ko bura lagay ga.. us din baaz faaz ki maar kar chala jaayayga !! so dude ... i keep a cap, a baaz or anything on my head! u mind ur own damn business! this is cbm dramatics ...discuss cbm dramatics...but if u are loser enuff to discuss me and my caps,,, dude!! start a new community and lets share our views there!! chill out! Zubair ... get ready for something for december... we are thinking of arranging a fund raiser kinda thing... after december 20... comeup with something funny yet emotional.. and with a message...ill give u the details in college !	delete
Athar manage	12/2/2005 11:18 AM "...Baaz Faaz ki maar ker chala jaeyga..." That insult almost rhymed!!	delete
Somair manage	12/2/2005 11:26 AM hehe... this shows!! i can compose! wow ! even that rhymed!!	delete
Faaz manage	12/2/2005 11:33 AM but still the question remains baaz on ur head ? ? ( sumair i knw u can do better than tht ! try tu kero )	delete

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topic: topi !

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Somair manage	12/2/2005 11:43 AM listen faaz dude! i dont know u .. infact dont wanna know u ..im sure ur one of those new semester kids... u need exposure man..go on ..show the girls how cool u are...wow man .im impressed. .. trust me u need it ! and if u want better than this ... meet me in college man! its all good... it will be nice to meet a guy like u ! ill show u around too.. ill introduce u to the ppl of cbm too dont worry!	delete
Athar manage	12/2/2005 11:46 AM Somair!!...Faaz ki nahin ab khair!! waisay seriously Faaz don't push it man...talk about something good if u can. wow..the rhyming continues	delete
Somair manage	12/2/2005 11:47 AM athar ur getting good at this...have u joined the eps music society yet!! if u havent ...jaldi karo	delete
Athar manage	12/2/2005 11:49 AM Ahem!...I'll consider that offer	delete
Faaz manage	12/2/2005 11:50 AM areay yaar applog tu naraz hogay hain. no wonder old ppl say k watch it before u say. yaar mujhey koi pitna witna tu nahi hai na. badmash log hai ( khush kuch bharam kerwadia app kaibhi ) @ athar yaar zara halka haath rakhoo itna support u'll get the memeber ship anyway.	delete
Somair manage	12/2/2005 11:54 AM yaar faaz ! thanku tumnay meray bharam kara diyay! .. and looking at the guy next to ur dp!! are u that loser i met in the van today!! who was getting hyper at every question being asked as if there was a pin stuck at the back of his pants??	delete
Athar manage	12/2/2005 11:57 AM ..and u can come with me for the membership....phir kya hoga?...they'll select me and shit! and...reject u...and when I get there...I'll make sure u never make it through Almost rhymed...ALMOST RHYMED!!!	delete
Athar manage	12/2/2005 12:01 PM Somair...read his ABOUT ME...the first thing he says about himself is LOOSER...and he didn't even get the spelling right.	delete
Somair manage	12/2/2005 12:06 PM athar dude i wanna rephrase ur line so it rhymes athar says: phir kya hoga?...they'll select me and shit! and...reject u...and when I get there...I'll make sure u never make it through...coz ur name is faaz and u dont have it in u.. dude ur in cbm.. dont fly high in a cruiser...coz dude...ur a self proclaimed loser...and check out stupidity's height...u cant even spell right... ur obessesed with somair ,his cap and baaz!! dude ! wat can i say to a guy with a name like faaz !!! hows that for a rhyme athar	delete
Athar manage	HAHAHHAHAHA!!!!! 12/2/2005 12:09 PM OMFG!!....a new song being composed here on orkut hahahah!...hojaey aglay music and skit competition mein	delete

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topic: topi !

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Faaz manage	12/2/2005 12:11 PM wow ! u guessed it right ! listen no one is a winner by callng sumone a looser. n by writng the right spelling, how can i show tht i m a looser ? its just tht i cant say out things coz u ppl r seniours, or i cud hav jusst ripped u off athar itnay na utahoo , miljay gi yaar membership yaar chill kero,	delete
Athar manage	12/2/2005 12:17 PM aur tum aisi baatein na kero ke phir tumharay koi utha hi naa sakay...dosti??	delete
Faaz manage	12/2/2005 12:23 PM cahloo koi baat nahi its jus tht remebr guys the new sems wud rock ur world, sumthng tht wud b way greater than tusnami, so just b on the look out. EPS or no EPS again no offense guys ! ( thsi is just a trailer)	delete
Somair manage	12/2/2005 12:25 PM hhaah that way this guy can get the publicity he wants dude faaz... no hard feelings bro..ur a new kid... i heard u say u had some complaints bout ppl in cbm using u... play ur cards right.with an attitude like that u aint going far! bhai im sure ur a very cool kid and no doubt u can rip me off! but pehlay apni spellings to theek karlo....u even spelled "seniors" wrong. lets meet on monday! rip me off as much as u want to...no seniority! uve done a wonderful thing providing the members of this society some entertainment.. i wudnt even have indulged in a convo with u buddy! but i had nothing else to do...this is fun! and i guess i heard someone say "faaz the paad" the other day..wats that all about... r u famous for ur paads!! LOL	delete
Somair manage	GREATER THAN TSUNAMI 12/2/2005 12:32 PM hahaha ! dude !u just dont stop amusing the ppl on this community...dont tell me ur gonna fart ur way to rock cbm!! hahaha we'll call it the POOOnami ... watch out seniors and eps memberS ! the new semesters Poonami is coming!! LOl	delete
Faaz manage	12/2/2005 12:33 PM see thts where u get vulgor , y do u keep chcking the spellings? in modrn era its impt to convey ur msg rather than checking out spelling . wat ppl r u sitting in these days ? seriously i dnt knw wat r u talkng abt . so go do some homework. i dnt need publicity , if i need some publicity ill make a vdo n post it on IM. done ? these days they hav lenient policy.i hope u get this or do i need to chck ma spellings?do we need to make paragraphs. ( go ahead make a rhem of thsi aswell )	delete
Athar manage	12/2/2005 12:34 PM Faaz I can understand ur enthusiasm...I'm not that senior to you...about a year perhaps...I'm sure u'll do well in ur years ahead and brighten ur name as well as ur institute's. You're new and need all the help u can get from the seniors..especially the system in CBM will enable you to sit with ppl from all semesters...but its about ur attitude not aptitude that determines ur altitude...and that's where you're lacking boy. We're all in the same college, let's not create issues out of nothing. I dunno about u but damn my boring lecture is puttin me to sleep!...had a lot of fun somair...I was sitting here alone laughing out loud!!..thank you...and good night (UTHA RAHA HOOON! haha!)	delete
Athar manage	Last strawwww!!! 12/2/2005 12:37 PM POONAAAAMIIIIIIIII HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA	delete
Faaz manage	12/2/2005 12:38 PM ahan ! now ur talking . athar i like ur style. good going ! its like solving issuses rather than creating them. chalo every tc .. peace	delete
Somair manage	12/2/2005 1:21 PM dude!! u dont post ur video on IM..u give them the DV...and u need music skills, farting alone wont get u on IM no matter how lenient they are. hahahah dude u need to learn alot got that or do i hafta translate that into urdu for u better understanding ! ... and in modern era if ur spellings arnt right..u wont pass ur business communication courses...forget about reaching out and conveying ur messages! see thats an advise from a senior...secondly "you dont sit in people" u SIT WITH THEM>.sheesh dude..which school are u from..neways... athar ! im out too... ur membership is confirmed!! hehe n dude faaz... chill karo.. im posting on this community today .. might not be posting as regularly again... so in future if u have something to say... plz feel free to come forward and say it to me directly! most welcome ! im a nice guy.. trust me .. take care	delete

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Zubair manage	hmm 12/3/2005 12:59 AM waooo waoooo stop u guys dis is dramatics community lolz old n new ke larayee nahn lolzzz ... sumair bhai im prepared infact stage performance kay liay to 3 play likhay hain mairay pass bus app logon ke approval chaheyay rite dis time we will rock cbm again insahallah ...	delete
Zubair manage	faaaz !!! 12/3/2005 1:01 AM "nahn jana tum kareeb faaz ,nahn too dusss laiga tumhain baazz" lolzzzzzzzz hahahah rite sumair n athar	delete
Tahir manage	FAAZ ..dis is really sad 12/3/2005 1:15 AM well well well ..after readin da scraps for dis weird topic set by FAAZ....i must say..CBM ka crowd is getting cheap..FAAZ whoever u are ..CMON DUDE GET A LIFE..stop observing guys, their TOPIS n TOPAS....	delete
Athar manage	12/3/2005 1:21 AM hahahahaha...now I'm in love with this community	delete
Faaz manage	12/3/2005 2:02 AM ahan ! done hai	delete
Athar manage	12/3/2005 3:00 AM Zubair...baaz duss laiga??...ye kis type ka baaz hai	delete
Amna manage	12/3/2005 5:31 AM haha..u were soo right athar..!!	delete

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Yet another tragic true story from my life.....:p

2005-11-20T07:21:00.000+05:00

Thrusday, 17th November 2005, 7:50 pm

My cell phone beeps...Its an sms from an unknown contact. It says something like:

"Dear Customer! Today is the 5th anniversary of Mobilink. Please forward this message to 10 people and earn Rs 300 credit. Thank You!...Jazz ki dhoom!"

I couldn't beleive it for a second but a second is afterall...a second. I soon realized it was a hoax since all authentic Mobilink messages come from the number 300. So I think about what to do now...*thinking*........I pick my cell phone up, compose a message. It goes something like:

"Kiss my epic ass loser!"....*reply*....*send*....*sending message.......done*

Thrusday, 17th November 2005, 7:58 pm

My cell phone rings....it was a call from a known contact...my Dad's cousin...my chacha...I answer the call and say:

Me: Hello?
Dad's cousin: Athar...do u really have an epic ass?
Me: *Surprised*....aap ne msg kia tha??
Dad's cousin: Nahin..........AAP KI BHAABI NE KIA THA!
Me: I'm so sorry!...I thought mere kisi dost ne mazaq kia tha!....I didn't even know she had a cell phone.....I didn't have her number!
Dad's cousin: Khayal kia kero beta....
Me: I'm soooooooo sorrrrrrrryyyyyy!!!!!
Dad's cousin: Bus....Khayal kia kero....
Me: I'm sooooo sorrryyyyy!!!
Dad's cousin: Koi baat nahin....khayal kia kero...
Me: Acha...Khuda hafiz
Dad's cousin: Khuda hafiz

I shoot myself.

The latest fad... ;)

2005-10-31T21:00:00.000+05:00

Stuff from my early teens :D

Your personal doctor at home

Silsilay...

2005-10-26T13:32:00.000+05:00

I soooo wanna write something but I've been artificially busy. Which means that I feel this pressure all the time to work and I tell myself "DUH! dumbass can't you see you're working already!" but sadly at the end of the day...I seem to have achieved nothing...and yet feel tired. I love urbandictionary.com.

"Silsilayyyyy yaadon ke totain nahin..." ARRRRGHHHH I CAN'T GET THIS FRIGGIN SONG OUT OF MY HEAD!!...People from our college have done a great job I must say. I had no doubts about Tahir's singing abilities and this time he's really proved that without a little more work...he can easily become "the next big thing". Somair Rizvi has done a wonderful job as the composer, lead guitarist and lyricist. The video looks hot and CBM looks amazing!!...Tahir looks like Atif and Somair should've said something like "I'LL BE BAAK" to complete the Terminator image he has projected. Its a funny feeling seeing your very own friends turn into celebs in front of your eyes. Tahir is so down to earth!!...I mean he's an amazing singer and I've seen people act like Icons for less. We met yesterday & I hugged him so hard the poor kid almost threw up haha. I've seriously become his fan and honeslty he's the only one after Furqan Bhai who has impressed me with his vocals (ONLY ONE as in...people I know).
The video can be downloaded from
http://www.aural-visual.com/the_early_days/music.html

http://downloads.aural-visual.com/silsilay_the_early_days_ost_lg.wmv (direct link to the higher quality download...its about 16 megs)

This whole play was shot in CBM just before the Summer session.

I've just seen a really dumb blog and I don't feel writing anything else except...; PEOPLE CHILL! EVERYBODY HAS PAINS IN LIFE BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ONE YOURSELF! LIVE AND LET LIVE! IF YOU THINK THE WORLD HAS TURNED ITS BACK ON YOU, THINK AGAIN YOU ASS! YOU JUST MIGHT'VE TURNED YOUR BACK TO THE WORLD! ...hanso gaao muskuraao....kya pata....ooohh pata hai na?? ;)

Last month

2005-10-02T06:19:00.000+05:00

Sheesh...I look weird...:$

September was tough but great…I had to work my ass off for a skit which in the end was nicely performed in front of about 300 people at college. We won the first prize for it. Me and my team also ended up 2nd in the quiz competition…quite contrary to what we had expected. I also got into the dramatics society because of the whole skit thing we did. Finally, it was the last night of the 10 year celebrations on 1st October. It was fun…if you ignore the quality of the dinner served that is. Strings sounded great…but I have no idea why they invited Shazia Khushk. Everybody thought Moin Akhtar was going to be funny like always but shock of the century…he walks on to the stage and starts singing his own version of Dil Dil Pakistan!...I saw a few people puke right there. Fun’s over…mid-terms about to start…time to study…gotta go.

2005-08-31T02:55:00.000+05:00

"....Its been a very punctuated day today. With that slow sense of impending disaster, that makes you invisible in the familiar throng of extended family, and before your own silent reflections in car windows. Something in my mind promises defeat, and I can feel the longing for the numbness of right now, even as right now is here and not in the past. Some where, I can feel the rythm of a last chance, beating, disguised with the final laughter of my thumping heart before I sleep tonight. I can feel it, right now. A nostalgia for a moment I am still breathing in. Absurd how utterly completely I can sense the movement, even of the thought as it flexes, in my gutt. And yet there is an apt disconnection, between what I am reaching to touch and what I feel when I touch it. There is the divorce of senses, and my lungs breathe what my chest does not fill. My eyes see with a comprehension of their own, what my mind does not think. And I am sitting, in the middle of a hundred pieces of me, a little broken, and very amused. I think I can understand some how, what happens in these short bursts of abnormal activity. But I do not think I can articulate it. Just for the record, I'm not stoned.

I felt awake today, after a long time. There was a rusty thought in the back of my head for a while. I broke it. And it felt like a shove in the face. A good one. I'm up now.

I went to amiji's house, and thought like i always do, that things fall into transitory places, where they sit and look at you, but dont fit. Theres a swing thats been hanging in her garden since Maryam and I were little. The ropes used to be ugly when we were small. They were rough, like jute, and would scratch a child's palm. So abaji called the gardner one time. Gami mama. He called Gami mama and he told him to get the ropes changed because they cut my hand. So gami mama got the ropes changed. And the new ones had rubber on them, easy for little hands to hold, for abaji to assure himself with. But even now, so long after I cut my hand, after Gami Mama has lost what strength he had in him to change ropes and kill cats, so many years after abaji has died, I sit on that swing and I think to myself, "Be careful with the ropes. They cut." Only they don't. The green rubber sits as ugly and comfortable as a fat cow on cud, and the swing swings as high as ever, and the dust flies like it always does when my heels kick it, and I survive it all, with nothing more than red hands. Its unsatisfying. It doesn't fit. Its been years, but the rubber's in transit to becoming rough, like jute, and until it does, it just doesn't fit. It won't, till my daughter laughs at the ultimate thrill of swinging a swing, makes the dust fly and then screams to go tell her grandfather that the rope she held made her hands bleed. It just wont fit, till i tell some one to fix the damn rubber so it wont injure children any more. And if that day wont come, and if the swing dies, and the house dies, and the moment I can still see dies with it, then it will all have died in transit. And thats a sad way to go".

A few magical lines from Amal's blog....she's unaware of my existence btw.

I've got my Macroeconomics final on 1st Sep....studying 9 hours a day...all my secret admirers out there :p :p ....pray for me!

2005-08-24T01:40:00.000+05:00

I love this one...love the way I'm checking out the lady on Mothercare's cover :D

2005-08-24T01:37:00.000+05:00

...Protecting the weak :p

2005-08-24T01:32:00.000+05:00

Rubya's showing off some sorta ancient dance moves...I'm praying for her to stop. :D

2005-08-24T01:09:00.000+05:00

...priceless... ;)

2005-08-24T01:07:00.000+05:00

The photo got damaged, the Sega got stolen...and the friendship...lost.

2005-08-24T01:02:00.000+05:00

My very first birthday (would you believe it!?!)...

2005-08-24T01:01:00.000+05:00

Got my reeeeallllllllly old pics scanned :)...This one's from my second month on this planet.

Laziness, the screen and the miracle...

2005-08-15T18:00:00.000+05:00

I'm lazy...just too lazy. Procrastinating all the time. I'm going to hell but I'm too lazy to pray. My finals are starting from the 29th of this month but I'm too lazy to study. My biceps are losing meat but I'm too lazy to join the gym again. I'm sleepy but I'm too lazy to sleep. I miss my friends but I'm too lazy to call them up. There are people I haven't talked to in a decade or more (I mean it)...seriously....they're just my msn friends now...or worse...orkut friends. I'm sick of my favorite winamp plalist but I'm too laz to mke a new one. Typos are appearing in my blog now but I'm too lazy to correct them. My keyboard sucks but I'm too lazy to buy a new one. I appear offline most of the time cuz I'm too lazy to chat with anybody. I use the laziest form of communication after snail mail...scraps...that's what I do, aur wo bhi once in a while...I'm too lazy to reply to most of the scraps/mail that I get. People think I'm rude. Some think I'm just ignoring them. A few suspect me of blocking them on msn...they think I avoid them. They just can't comprehend the fact that I'm just too fucking lazy! I eat and drink just enough to live another day...friends want me to go out with them...and party all night...but I'm too lazy for all that. All I do is sit here in this room all day and night...staring at this screen...looking and searching for something...what is that something?...I don't know. I try to tell myself that I'm here just because I'm supposed to check my mail for the three hundred and forty sixth time. But then something tells me I'm just procrastinating again...I'm scared. I just don't wanna face the reality & I seek refuge in front of this screen...maybe because this is where I feel at home...maybe because this is where I'm in control...maybe because this is what I do best. Sit in front of the screen and play with the keys...I know nothing can go wrong here. But what about the reality?...its waiting out there...its like the typical nightmare where you just keep falling from an infinitely tall building and hope you'll grow wings or something but it doesn't happen...and you hit the ground hard and suddenly wake up with a jerk and your siblings make fun of you for the rest of the day. Its something like that...the reality is...that I'm just too afraid to give it all...the fear of failure prevents me from winning most of the time. I read my books but I fail to understand anything...maybe I'm just too lazy to try. I sit here hoping for a miracle...but as God said in Bruce Almighty..."Be the miracle"...are the key words. I'll have to be the miracle...sooner or later...otherwise all the work and money of 4 months would go to waste. And that would mean yet another free fall from infinity...ending with a jerk that'll disturb my world...and I'd be the butt of every economists' joke out there. But then again...I just don't give a fuck...I guess I'm just too lazy to give one.

I want to sleep now...I don't know what's goin on...This may be the beginning of a miracle...or the beginning of the end...

"Yea dad I wanna settle in the US"

2005-08-03T14:34:00.000+05:00

Thursday, July 28, 2005

i don't understand when people go away to university and decide they never want to come back t0 pakistan. specially the ones who grew up here. so wait, let me get this straight. the county you grew up in, the country where you were educated good enough for you to go to university, the country that basically gave you pretty much everything you needed is now the backwater third-world hellhole you never want to return to because hmm. too many people. the traffic sucks. the water isn't clean enough. it's hot. the best one: i won't get a job. that's strange! did the heat bother you when you were playing cricket all afternoon on the street when you were sixteen? was the traffic a problem when you were learning to drive, trying to look nonchalant as you drove by a policeman? aww poor baby, did you feel terrible when you were taking your A levels on those rickety wood desks that collapsed if you kicked them right? each time you went to the beach, did you think you were in hell? did the flies bother you eating halwa poori at a roadside khoka with your cousins?
i think the main problem with people who don't want to come back is that they have no sense of history, or roots. oooh yeah, let's have a really great little debate about this now, but it's true. most of the people who stay back here for undergraduate studies are the ones who didn't get in anywhere abroad. i've really no issues with leaving here to study- as long as you come back. people lack the dard that our grandparents had, our parents have because we're the generation who got it all easy. we didn't have to run from murdering mobs. we didn't have to watch neighbours turning into strangers with guns, breaking into our homes, ready to kill our families. we didn't have to leave behind everything we knew and flee to a country that was just a dream, for all we knew. we didn't have to be wealthy, landed, royal even and leave it all willingly to be regular people in a new country. we weren't on the last bus to leave jullhandhar alive. we haven't ever had to hear a siren wail and run to huddle in ditches while planes whistled overhead in the dark, bombing our city. we didn't have to hug fathers, brothers goodbye, send them to war and wonder if we'd ever see them again. we didn't have our phones ring at breakfast and suddenly be half-orphaned. nope...we grew up safe, secure, swinging off trees and watching the transformers and thunder cats on NTM. we always had enough to eat, we went to the best schools our parents could afford, we sung the national anthem every day in assembly like robots, chewing up the words like they were homework, or brushing your teeth- a necessary appendage to your day. what would we know what patriotism is? we grew up taking our country for granted, all pakistan means for you is having a side to be on during the cricket world cup, or hockey if you watch it. let's not forget the passport that got you to wherever you are now and oh yeah, and it gives you an edge talking politics because you're pakistani so you must know all about dictators and IMF support and illegal nukes, and now Islamic extremists and madrassahs! bah! ungrateful larches! who says you're any better than what you diss? you are adrift, groundless! you will always, always be a stranger, an outsider! you will always be the paki (alarming, the way 'paki' sounds so much like 'jap' did), the brown 'Moslem' trying to make it big in a place s/he doesn't belong in! where will you be when your country needs you? you'll be sitting miles away dissing it out for being authoritarian, undemocratic, oppressive like a good little lap dog wagging its tail to make its master happy! but no, that's not bad, you're being objective, calling a spade a spade, using your wonderful impartiality to make yourself sound so wonderful and educated! fools! fools! how can you? how can you turn your back like that? how can you swallow whatever 'they' tell you just because they're richer? how easy....how easy to be bought by central air-conditioning and freeways and picturesque bike trails. of course nobody wants to live in pakistan where there are beggars and gypsies living in shanties on empty plots that remind you of how fortunate you are, where there are flies and bugs, where the monsoons come and flood the roads. no. everyone wants to live in their nice brainless tract home, drive their station wagon and shop at wal mart and feel that wonderful warm glow of being 'civilised' because you've got frozen fish-sticks in the freezer and you wear jeans all the time and nobody looks. i don't know what kind of life that is, a life where your kids don't speak a word of urdu or punjabi or whatever it was you grew up speaking, where they don't know their cousins or their aunts and uncles. where eid is a stupid little one-dish dinner at the local masjid where everyone wears their silk shalwar kameezes and feels all desi-cool for a while. where nobody can pronounce your name right- and you become fred or bob or mike to be one of the guys. where you will always be the brown paki moozlem stupid wannabe twerp, and rightfully so, because you are trying to be something you aren't, and forgetting who you are in the process, and it's SO obvious! why shouldn't people make fun of you? what difference does it make to you, whether there are floods in pakistan? whether we have to start importing vegetables from india, whether our elections are crapass shams? who cares if the people who make our laws are too busy having fistfights and cussing each other out while in session at the parliament? who cares, as long as i'm rich and successful and have a house on a goddamn hill with an automatic garage door opener and drive a jag, who the bloody hell cares about pakistan, where i could give something back, where i could make a desperately needed difference with what i've learnt from the west. they are good teachers, no doubt about that.
screw you all, you're pathetic and it's a damned shame that pakistan was made for people like you, so that you could be free to do whatever it is you want, so you wouldn't have to be a second-class citizen in your land. but no, you're a stupid sheep who wants to be one! you want to brown-nose someone! god! when i see men like my grandfather mourn this country i want to round up all of you and shoot you. you're a disgrace to this country and you should be ashamed. you never want to come back? fine by us. at least we're home, at least we will always know who we are. at least we still have enough patriotism left to stand by whatever we have- good or bad (and it's plenty of both), it's ours. people before us gave up everything they had for this little scrap of land and we will pull through, Inshallah. you can be a lapdog all you want, we don't want you and your fancy degrees and your disdain for your heritage, your culture, your roots, all forgotten when you come home to visit for two weeks and all you can do is whine about how hot it is and buy khussay not because you like them but because you want to show them off because they're so fashionable now. take it and stay away, if that's what being educated is to you- just a gateway to become rich instead of a step towards helping people who genuinely need it. use it and throw it away, and kick it for good measure because that's what everyone else is doing. how sickening. why don't you learn the pledge of allegiance while you're at it? it'll make more sense to you than hafeez jallandhri's farsi ever did.

Taken from Mina's blog
http://gorpy.blogspot.com/2005/07/i-dont-understand-when-people-go-away.html

Cutiiiiieeeeeeeeeee

2005-07-10T13:23:00.000+05:00

One of my cuuuuttttttteeesstttt lil cousins Bilal.....also one of my best pieces of photography ;)

2005-07-09T21:55:00.000+05:00

This is what you look like when you wake up at 7 am after 3 hours of sleep, without clean water and a decent tooth and hair brush....staying alive, staying alive....yeah yeah yeah yeah! :P

2005-07-08T01:01:00.000+05:00

What would I do without you....my baby :p

A Close Shave

2005-06-19T15:10:00.000+05:00

This happened to me on 2nd June...I almost got killed....recorded the whole event that same night in my other blog...the personal one.

Today I had a close shave, for a minute I thought I was going to die. It was about 11:30 pm when I was buying bread at Noman general store. I heard a few firecrackers go off but soon found out that it was gun fire as everyone ran to save their lives. I took evasive action too and immediately ran to the store room at the back of Noman along with a few ladies and children (crying) and the shopkeeper himself. I didn't know what was going on. But considering what happened a few days back, I thought this is another one of those sectarian violence scenes and they're probably gonna burn all the shops with us inside. I was reciting the Kalma and everybody else was doing the same. I heard someone say "haath ooper kero ....haath ooper kero!" and then a few more shots. I got a call from Jawad during this time as expected. And Ammi was crying and Jawad was screaming on the phone. Everybody was scared to death. After the continuous shots, some bearded man told us to leave. I rushed out and got home, on my way, the second floor aunty asked me "beta kya hooa?" I didn't reply and ran straight towards my gate where my mom was waiting for me. She hugged me and cried. Later, as the story unfolded, we found out that it was a mobile snatcher who got Nomi Bhai's (a cousin of mine...so, our family was totally involved) cell and rushed into the Variety Lace Center where he held the shopkeeper hostage - held a gun to his head. The police shot him in the leg and stomach with an AK-47 and he got badly hurt with slim chances of survival. I experienced what it was like to be in such a life-threatening situation. I saw death closely...it was scary. But somehow the feeling has vanished away quickly and we're all back to normal already....we're so dheet.

Bhen or Bhan(Bhain)

2005-06-17T15:48:00.000+05:00

Every word in this post is 100% true so don't you dare think that I'm a bad guy or a "buray type ka ladka". Truth is bitter. It's simple.

"BHANCHOD, BHANCHOD, BHANCHOD!!...." This is what you get to hear every now and then from the mouth of every other guy...

Random guy: Allad bhanchod kya maara hai (cricket/football/snooker....etc).
Random senior guy to newbie: Bhanchod tum tou acha khelnay lagay ho.
Random guys on a bench at night: Bhanchod Afridi ka chayy dekha tha?
Random cheap boys on the road: Bhaaaaaaaaannnnchooooood bachi dekh!
Random retired man: Bhanchod ye light ko bhi abhi jaana tha :@

This historic word has its importance and its own place in the society. It's used in more ways than one...from the burgers to the mailaas, the word is used by all classes of people to express different emotions. It's almost as effective as the word FUCK, extremely flexible. I even had an 80 year old math teacher who said "Bhanchod ye ghalat kia hai tumne....Bhanchod dimagh kharab hogya hai.....Bhanchod ye kya ker rahay ho.....". And this one time when I was solving a question with him, we heard news on CNN that Saddam Hussain is caught. His reaction was, "Bhanchod pakda gaya sala..." (he said this in front of his son and his 13 year old daughter). It was extremely difficult to control my laughter at that time. That's probably why I usually fail math because whenever I sit down to solve the paper, the only word I hear myself saying is, "Bhanchod aaj bhi fail...." & the nerds are saying, "Bhainchod yaar mushkil paper banaya tha yaar miss ne yaar yaar yaar....". Khair that was not the point. The alarming fact is that now this historic word is gaining immense popularity among girls!! Yes I said GIRLS! Come on yaar its almost common now. I mean we all know they nomally say things like fuck you, ullo ke pathay, kuttay kaminay jangli, ullo, pagal, chichoray, badtameez, tumharay ghar mein maa behan nahin hain kya, khabees, stupid, duffer, or even CHAY, they call each other kutti sometimes, and the most popular line ...main us type ki ladki nahin hoon but bhEnchod???...that's a first. Just the other day one of my girl friends decided to take a ride on a rather dangerous roller coaster. I was the one actually who compelled her to take the risk, otherwise she was rather reluctant to try it out. Later on, when we were going downhill at a screaming velocity, she used the following words to curse me and everybody around me, "BhEnchod!...BhEnchod!...bhenfuckingchod..BHeNCHOD!!....you fucking bhEnchods, you all are fucking BHeNCHODS!!!"....cool eh? :p

A scene from a girl's night-spend (sleepover)
Random girl: "Bhenchods let me sleep yaar"

Furthermore, the girls have made the word unique in their own way...they spell it differently:
Boys say: BhAnchod or girly boys say BhAInchod but....
Girls say: BhEnchod....just pure fucking BhEnchod.

Its a sad state of affairs...I love it...... mwuhuhhahahaha

bhanchod I'm totally losing it...I'm going to sleep.

abay yaar

2005-06-12T03:20:00.000+05:00

So I succumb to the blog again. There's a night match going on right in front of my apartment and the noise is more than enough to keep the oldies awake. I wonder how the authorities allowed them to do this. I remember when I was in my mid teens we had a night match just like this one INSIDE our Wajid Square. Yea I remember it, all the windows had to be covered well and there was a commentary team, which made a perfect parody of how Michael Holding speaks. It was fun regardless of the fact that I got out on the very first delivery…ahh well at least I got to open the innings. I’m such an optimist. Later on, I bowled really well like I always do and kicked the shit out of the opposition like I always do and got swept off by compliments….oooohhh….lovely feeling and I’m so used to it haha.

While I was writing this blog, the lights went out and I thought I’d have to write this all over again but thank God I write my stuff here in Microsoft Word before I paste it in the HELLO window (yeah I’m still using it to post here). Word auto-saved all this before I had to suffer that 30 min long power failure. I love Microsoft. I mean look at those guys, churning out unbelievable pieces of software every now and then. So what if it’s a monopoly? I love it! And so do most normal people. I love it more because I get to use tons of software for RS 25 per piece hahaha…I wonder what Uncle Bill might have say about that.

My cell phone credit has now been reduced to 60 within the last 7 days; it was about 200 before that. Why? Well I’ve been making international calls and sending text messages to Saudia. Hey this reminds me of something…have you ever made calls of RS 20000 in a day? I have :D wooooohhhhhoooooo!!…it was an accident actually, partly due to my stupidity. I was trying to update the virus definition files of Norton Antivirus at a time when I didn’t have an internet connection so I just decided to all that through a direct connection their system in the US. Before trying this whole thing out, I asked Kashif Bhai(my cousin) whether this will cost me anything or not. He said “No, it’s a toll-free number”. Thank you Kashif Bhai for that information. I was too young at that time to have any idea what that means but the word “free” always sounds good. So I dialed the number and got connected without any problems whatsoever but maintaining the connection turned out to be slightly harder than I thought. I got disconnected again and again and again and I reconnected again and again and again. But never got my updates completely. But the telephone department was efficient enough. They got shocked actually and sent a man to especially inquire about the call made. My dad talked to him outside and came back in with a worried and puzzled look on his face. He informed us about the situation and lightning struck me. Yeah I blew it totally I know…I don’t know how but I told my dad that maybe it was due to those calls that I had made earlier to keep our Antivirus software up-to-date. After listening to my story, he said nothing and quietly walked away. Seriously man I thought I was totally fucked up at that point but thank God my dad quietly paid the bill, never discussing that incident again…and I survived.

Telephone calls of RS 20,000 in one day!!….hahahaha!!….God I hate myself!

PS: Isn’t that a world record?

2005-06-11T09:35:00.000+05:00

So ppl I'm getting the hang of it bit by bit.....soon I'll start ruling the world of blogging ;)

huh?

2005-01-03T18:04:00.000+05:00

All right...I don't really know what's goin on here....I'm just gonna post a few msgs and try to figure out what am I supposed to do.